Together Yet Apart
by AerePerennius
Summary: The war is over and wizarding world is recovering. In the midst are Remus and Tonks, surrounded by love and friends. They are close but not together. This is the journey of their peculiar yet special friendship. Mainly RLNT with side HPGW and RWHG.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello everyone! This is my new story and I'll give you a glimpse of it before you begin. This is AU, set in 1999, a year after the battle of Hogwarts. Snape, Remus, Tonks are alive._

_The main ship of this story is Remus/Tonks but Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione are there as side pairings as well._

_I have already written this story but the updates will depend on the response I get, so updates may vary from one day to one month (I guess this my subtle way of saying LEAVE ME A REVIEW!)._

_I welcome constructive criticism but please don't flame this fic. I guess by reading first two-three chapters, you'll get the gist of the story so if you don't like it, please don't continue reading, I don't wish to offend anyone._

_If you find some grammatical errors (which might be loads) please also tell me what they are as they'll help the story improve._

_This is rated M but there will be no explicit scenes, just some conversations in some chapters that cannot be exactly labeled as T._

_So well, that's it for now. I hope you enjoy!_

_Thank you :)_

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Full moon nights appeared sometimes romantic to him and sometimes ominous. _Right now it is definitely ominous,_ thought Harry standing in the courtyard of now fully reconstructed Hogwarts castle. Sun was about to set and wind howled, much like Remus would be doing in few minutes.

They waited for him as he conversed with Tonks in the side in low tones.

"What's taking so long?" He whispered to Hermione, feeling uneasy as Snape stood just few feet away from them. Ever since learning his truth, never ending respect had risen in his heart yet the man still gave him negative vibes. However he had grown awfully quiet now; boring the scar of Nagini's bite on his neck, the sharp comments from him were far and few. Just like now, an old Severus Snape would have snapped hundred times for the delay however this new man politely stood with his hands at the back, staring morosely at the sky.

"Had you been here Harry during the past one year, you wouldn't have asked this question." Hermione rolled her eyes. She had accepted benignly that he had wanted time, she had accepted his reasons to leave the country for a year on one _long_ break but yet sometimes she wasn't behind in teasing him when it came to it. Ron sniggered, casually throwing his arm around Hermione's waist. He took pleasure in knowing something Harry obviously didn't know about.

"_Oh Harry_…it's Remus and Tonks… they have a very… _special_ sort of relationship you see." Ginny spoke, looking adoringly at the couple in question.

They all turned their attention to the couple. Harry even saw _Snape_ looking discreetly at them.

Remus had Tonks's face cupped in his both hands, while Tonks's hands rested on his waist, her eyes looking down. They couldn't hear what they were saying but whatever it was, it appeared as if he was trying to reassure her of something. He had a look of reverence on his face and he spoke in low tones.

"They got together then?" He asked to anyone who would answer him. He had come back only today and had very little idea of what had gone on in their friends' lives.

He hadn't expected to see fallen faces at his question though.

"It's a long story mate." Ron sighed.

"Tonks sort of… gave up. At the end she decided that if Remus didn't want to be in a relationship then so be it. She decided to be _at least_ friends." Ginny said.

"You see," Started Hermione "Tonks was like… if she cannot have him as a life partner then she'd at least have him as a friend."

"_Friends_." Ron snorted. "Yeah right. They are friends just for name. Otherwise it is obvious that Tonks loves Remus and Remus loves Tonks. And Remus knows that Tonks loves him and Tonks knows that Remus loves her. And Remus knows that Tonks knows that he loves her and Tonks-"

"Alright I get it." Harry interjected before Ron could confuse him any further. Thankfully Hermione punched him lightly in the stomach.

"The thing is that they won't even deny it any longer that they _don't_ have any feelings, it is sort of like they know it is a lost cause." Said Ginny.

"They behave like a couple, except that they don't kiss-"

"-like other couples would or confess their love to each other." Finished Ron for Hermione.

"And they are happy with it?" Asked Harry. He had hoped that Remus would have reconciled with Tonks now that the war was over and world was a better place because it was only _so_ _obvious_ that he was totally in love with her.

"Not really… but they say- not in front of each other of course- that it is enough, knowing that the other is safe."

"What are they doing right now? Why aren't we moving?" He asked again. There wasn't much time in moonrise but it was clear from Remus's face that he was saying goodbye.

"Tonks always escorts him to Shrieking Shack-"

"-and it's not _that_ Shrieking Shack anymore, Tonks had it transform like a mini palace; she was absolutely against Remus transforming in such gloomy surroundings-"

"-Thanks for the input Ron-" Ginny half rolled her eyes and continued. "-so well it is always Tonks who sees him off."

"Professor Snape-" Hermione whispered his name. "-has been making Wolfsbane for Remus for a year but last month it stopped working. They figured that his body has developed immunity against it. Therefore he wasn't able to take his wolfsbane this month."

"Will he be alright?" Harry asked worriedly.

"I'll have the new, _improved_ potion prepared this month." A soft silky voice spoke, interrupting them, lacking any venom. He looked surprisingly at Snape but he was already looking away.

"So-" Hermione started again. "It's almost after a year that he will be transforming without potion and we all are afraid, especially Tonks about how this month's transformation will go. The strain could be dangerous on his body…"

"Sad part is Tonks has to leave the country on an important mission. Generally she takes an off for full moons but this time it was out of cards. I'll be leaving with her as well." Ron said. Harry knew that Ron was already one year into his Auror training and that Tonks was his mentor.

"Yes so that's what I think Remus is doing, trying to reassure her that he's going to be okay." Ginny spoke sadly.

"It's time." Snape's voice drafted to the couple and they broke apart.

"Don't worry about me Dora, take care." Remus spoke, this time loudly enough for them to hear. Tonks merely nodded and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his neck. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as Remus bent to kiss her on the shell of her ear.

Pulling away he gave one last brave smile to her and kissed her on forehead, leaving Tonks standing alone.

He limped towards them, his injury that Dolohov had given him in final battle looking prominent before full moon. "Let's go." He said and raised his eyebrows at their mournful expressions. "Come on don't be so gloomy." He tried to cheer them up but then looked at Ron seriously and said, "Take care of her please."

"Don't worry." Ron gave a reassuring smile. "Just someone remember to send her an owl after the moon sets." He leaned in, whispering in a conspiratorial manner. "Or else you know how she'll get."

"I will." Hermione assured him.

Snape was already leading them ahead. Hermione followed him after giving a chaste kiss to Ron.

Harry too moved in the direction of Shrieking Shack along with Ginny but not before he saw Remus turning back and throwing a reassuring smile to Tonks over his shoulder accompanied with a small flying kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

_Harry Potter is owned by J K Rowling_

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><p>Once again Harry saw Severus Snape working like a pro on the cursed wounds healing them to a certain extent. He remembered what Remus had said about cursed wound, them never healing fully.<p>

The wolf had been brutal and restless last night; after being suppressed for so long, it had taken out its all frustration on Remus's body. Harry stood in the corner silently as Snape closed a gash on his chest and as Hermione applied Dittany to Remus's wrist.

Remus wasn't entirely unconscious; he would often groan in pain or would look in an unfocused manner around him. Finally when they had patched him up, Hermione covered him with a thick blanket. Ron had been right about Shrieking shack looking like a small palace, however now the room they were currently in, was destroyed- courtesy of the wolf.

Suddenly Remus woke up and caught Hermione's wrist. "Dora, tell Dora… tell her I am fine." He spoke taking a ragged breath.

"Yes Remus, don't worry. I am just going to owl her."

"She'll worry…" He was losing consciousness.

"You just sleep; I'll send her a letter." But Remus has already fallen asleep.

Harry was amazed that even amidst his pain, Remus was concerned about Tonks worrying.

Hermione gave him a small smile as Snape left the room without any other word. "It's always like this. I will never understand why they are denying themselves. Let's move to the kitchen. Let him sleep."

"Shrieking Shack has a kitchen?" Harry asked in astonishment and Hermione merely rolled her eyes.

* * *

><p>"So George and Angelina decided on a date yet?" Hermione asked Ginny as she buttered her toast.<p>

Ginny took a gulp of her orange juice and answered, "They say by the end of August, before school starts. Summer wedding, can't wait for it."

George had started to date Angelina few months after the battle and he had recently proposed her. They had expressed their wish to conduct the wedding on Hogwarts ground. Apparently Fred and George had decided on it. But now that Fred was…gone, George had decided to honor his wishes. Also, they wanted to honor their fallen friends by getting married on the same ground as a symbol of victory of life. Headmistress McGonagall had agreed as during summer all the students had returned home and the castle was empty. It was one of the reasons that they had decided to stay at Hogwarts for this summer.

It was like a vacation. A home away from home. Everyone was recovering from their emotional wounds still a year after the war and it sort of helped to stay together with the closest friends in such a peaceful place.

They heard clambering of footsteps coming from the stairs and soon enough, a panting Ron and disgruntled Tonks entered.

"Hey Tonks how was-" Harry's question was left hanging incomplete as Tonks didn't even glance at him and climbed up further. They heard distinctly as she barged into Remus's room.

Hermione was busy in giving a rather _elaborate_ welcome to Ron, therefore he turned to Ginny.

"Don't worry, until she sees Remus she won't rest." She said referring to Tonks. "Would you like to visit Hogsmeade?"

"I was thinking about the Muggle London actually, there are places… I never got round to see because of… well _everything_. And I'd like very much to visit them with you." He gave her a shy smile. After the funerals, he had left Britain rather quickly without clearing things between them. He was glad that she had agreed to resume their relationship even after he had caused her so much hurt.

"I'd love that." She said smiling as she leaned to give him a kiss.

* * *

><p>Tonks opened the door as she tried to catch her breath. The room was in shreds but she had eyes only for Remus. Remus who was slowly waking up.<p>

"Hey." She whispered softly and treaded through the shards of furniture and perched herself on the side of the bed. She brushed the bangs off his forehead as he stirred awake.

"Dora…" He opened his clear blue eyes and peered at her. "How was your mission?"

"It went fine. Are you hurt?" She frowned. She had been so distracted last night in her worry for him.

"Hmmm… I am sorry I destroyed the whole room Dora, see this is what I do… no matter how much you make an effort, I end up destroying everything."

"Oh hush up." She shook her head vehemently and placed her fingers on his lips. "It will be cleared in a flick of wand. I am just worried to see this… it means the wolf was angry last night. You must have hurt yourself…" her hands itched to remove the blankets and look for the damage herself but she resisted.

"I am all right really. Hermione and Severus healed me right. I feel bad though… that I am such a liability." He mumbled in low hoarse voice.

"Do I ever say I am a liability when you catch or pick me up every time I fall?"

He gave a raspy chuckle which soon turned into coughing fit.

"Do you want water?"

He shook his head. "It will be okay… just sore throat." He sighed and settled back in the covers. "I was worried about you. I had hoped this Death Eater chase would end with war."

She sighed in exasperation and adoration for him. Only he would be worried for others when his own life was being risked. "Well where would be all the fun then if all the bad guys were locked up? My job will become awfully boring." She replied as she took off her shoes and climbed gingerly in the bed, waiting for the disapproval that would soon follow.

"Dora… What you doing?" He asked tersely.

"I am tired. You are tired." She spoke slowly. "I thought we should get a nap." She removed the blanket and entered its warmth, ignoring his reprimand.

"Please Dora, I think it is hardly appropriate. And everyone is downstairs I can hear them." He protested weakly.

"Then I think you should stop thinking." She curled around him in a sitting position, leaning against the headboard such that her face towered over his. "And if I know them at all, I'll say they are pretty busy in themselves. Please Remus don't argue. Just sleep." She replied in a soothing murmur as she scratched his head by her fingernails.

"Stubborn woman." He spoke, giving in as he leaned his temple against her chest.

She kissed his forehead and soon enough he was asleep.

It was a strange relationship they had. It wasn't physical- well not sexual kind of physical- nor was it romantic at least not in _real_ sense. They were more than best friends but less than lovers. She had no idea what to name such a relationship.

It wasn't enough. Sometimes she longed to kiss him, touch him in ways only a lover would… but she was happy.

It was better to have something rather than nothing.

* * *

><p>The night was eerily silent but Harry found that he had wished for such quiet nights for long. The Black lake was silent as well, all the creatures of water resting deep in.<p>

"Hermione once said that we shouldn't sit under trees at nights." Ginny spoke from where she sat next to him, her arms around him.

Harry smiled at her words. He had been taught about the carbon cycle during his time at Muggle School. "I think we'll survive for one day." He stood up and brushed off his trousers. "Walk with me." He extended his hand to her.

She gazed at him and took the hand with a smile. He could never really get enough of her beauty.

His arm automatically wound around her waist as they started to walk near the edge of the lake.

"I wanted to say something Ginny."

"Mmm hmm?"

"I wanted to apologize…"

Ginny sighed. "There's no need Harry, you have done that already."

"But- but I gave you hell for so long and then… when the time came to correct everything, I left, _again_."

"Listen- after the battle, they wouldn't have let you live peacefully. I understood your need for distance. You needed a break after the sort of hellish life you had. And it wasn't as if you could have taken me with you. I still had my last year at Hogwarts. And I visited you as often I could along with Hermione and Ron. It wasn't _that_ bad. Besides my family needed me, especially mom after Fred… If anything, I am just glad now that you have your life in perspective. We wouldn't have been able to commit to a serious relationship if your heart wasn't at peace." She sighed and cupped his face. "I love you Harry. I am just happy that… things are becoming alright now."

"I must have done something great to have you." He replied honestly.

"May be defeating the craziest dark lord of all times can be included into '_great'_ things."

He was about to reply when they both heard a twig snap behind them; immediately they had their wands out.

"It's just me." Came a hoarse voice, he recognized that of Remus Lupin's. "Sorry I startled you both." He came into their view and they both lowered their wands.

"I think it's a habit that will die hard." Harry replied, smiling grimly at his wand. Even after a year, smallest of noise hitched their guards up.

"Yes well. It's something I can relate to."

He was about to reply when he saw Remus holding the biggest pink cotton candy he had ever seen in one of his hand.

"Trying to get in touch with you feminine side Lupin?" He smirked when at the same time Ginny asked. "Where did you get that at _this_ time?"

Remus smiled and adjusted his hold securely on the stick. He pointed to Harry and replied, "_Your highness_ wished to consume some candy floss at-uh," He checked his watch and replied. "-one in the morning." He then looked at Ginny and answered. "Honeydukes; actually it's closed but the owner is one of my old friends so he went out of his way and provided me with this." He gestured to the candy. "The elves here don't know how to make it and one of the elves, Milli went in a right fit, crying that she failed to fulfill her master's wish. Wait until Hermione hears it, she will kill me for making her cry."

"You mean… Tonks right?" Harry asked. It seemed as if it wasn't the Honeydukes' owner who went out of his way but rather it was Remus who went out of his way to get something she wanted at the ungodly hour.

"Mmm hmm." He nodded and was already moving as he elaborated. "She's actually got an urgent report to finish. She barged into my room just as I was about to sleep and claimed that she was feeling rather sleepy and immediately needed a decent company along with a huge ball of candy floss, if she was ever to complete that report. See you two both in the morning them." He gave them a huge smile and vanished through the great doors.

"You must learn- in fact, all men must learn _something_ from Remus. She isn't even his girlfriend and look at things he does for her." Ginny mock scowled at him.

"Are you sure they aren't dating?" He asked skeptically.

Ginny gave him a sad smile. "Difficult to believe isn't it after you have seen their chemistry? No they aren't. It is how they are… always doing something or the other to make the other happy."

"I should talk to Remus-"

"No really, it is going to make things worse now. We all have just silently accepted this. Wait for few days and you'll get used to it as well."

* * *

><p>"Nymphadora Tonks, the things I do for you." He closed the door of his quarters and called to the figure currently buried nose deep in her paperwork on <em>his<em> desk placed in _his_ bedroom.

"Ah did you get it? Oh yes you did. You are so sweet!" She exclaimed with happiness as she saw the pink confectionery.

He dragged a stool and sat beside her, still panting after running such a long distance. He unwrapped the bag as she rubbed her hands in excitement.

He looked amusedly at her excitement. "I can never gather how you can eat this whole thing at _once_. One or two bite is all right but all at once?"

"Do I argue when you eat giant sized chocolate bars in just span of few minutes?" She questioned back.

"I don't have giant sized chocolate bars." He sighed wistfully. He would love a Hagrid sized chocolate, for collection sake of course. "And please don't compare this with chocolate." He separated a piece of fluff and gestured her to open her mouth. She slurped the floss at once; her lips lightly grazing his finger. He ignored the shiver that passed his body. Moments such as these were frequent with her.

"'hut 'p." Came her muffled reply as he stuffed more into her mouth. He supposed she meant shut up.

He sat there as she devoured the candy from his hands with her eyes glued to the report and her quill furiously working.

"Do you want me to stay awake?" He asked after half an hour, suppressing a yawn.

"Oh no you go to sleep; the sugar rush will keep me awake and since I am not in my room I am less inclined to fall asleep."

He got up and stretched. "I am keeping the lights on or else just a single lamp will put too much stress on your eyes."

"You don't have to." She replied distractedly as he went to the bathroom to get changed into his pajamas.

He returned in his pajamas and went to her. "Wake me if you need anything." He bent and placing one hand on the side of her head, kissed her temple. "Good night."

"Good night." She whispered and turned her head to kiss on his cheek tenderly. "Though _you_ are the one doing the sleeping." She replied with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

He gave her a smile as he tweaked her nose and reached for his bed.

He snuggled deep in the covers. The desk was next to him such that half of her face was visible to him. With the blankets covering everything but his eyes, he fell asleep watching her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Remus wake up! Wake up!" Tonks shook his shoulders as he gripped the blankets around him tighter.

"Wass' it…" he grumbled indistinctly, turning away from her.

"It's beautiful outside; let's go to the lake please."

"Go back to sleep."

"I was working on reports _whole_ _night_ Remus please I need a break." She tried to displace the blankets. Keeping the said blankets on his body was becoming a battle now. When he refused to budge, she sneaked her hands somehow inside the tightly packed blankets and touched her icy cold hands to the skin of his stomach.

"Aaargh!" He jumped and immediately sat up, holding his chest and calming his heart to slow down. "You little cunning _devil_!" He growled from beneath his tousled hairs.

"Please." She pleaded with a downward frown of her mouth and making woeful eyes.

He sighed in defeat. "Let me brush my teeth at least." He spoke as he threw the warm blankets away from his body.

"No need for it. When we are outside just take few deep open mouthed breaths and your teeth will be cleansed by the _pure, cool_ morning air." She replied as she jumped away from the bed.

"You and your logic." He grumbled and she simply caught his arm in both of hers, not even allowing him to put on a cloak.

"It's bloody cold." He shivered as they moved out on the grounds. It was about four thirty in the morning and sun was yet to fully rise.

They heard the joyful shouts coming from the lake. As they walked closer, they saw Harry and Ron swimming in the lake while Ginny and Hermione sat on the bank.

"Good morning Remus! Tonks!" They all greeted them as they appeared fully in their view.

"Don't you people sleep?" He questioned mainly to Ginny and Harry. "I saw you on the grounds when I returned from Hogsmeade and now you are again here. Something tells me you didn't go to your rooms."

"Well I can say same about you!" Harry shouted from where Ron was creating a tiny whirlpool around Harry. "I saw you yesterday at one and now at four. Did Tonks let you sleep at all?"

"Hey!" Spoke up Tonk indignantly. "Have you been complaining about me?"

"Serves you right for pestering me." He answered back as Ginny and Hermione giggled. Harry was urging Ginny to join him.

"You are mean." She accused and started to move towards Hermione. Ginny had now joined Harry and they were creating hell of a noise, splashing water and shrieking like little banshees.

He followed Tonks to sit on the place where Hermione was when suddenly Tonks turned around and pushed him into the lake with full force.

"Tonks!" He yelled as soon his head emerged from the water. The water was cold and soaked instantly through the thin material of his pajamas.

Tonks gave a whoop of triumph and jumped away from him as he made to grab her leg. They all laughed.

"Come on Remus join us!" Ron called out.

He started swimming towards them when suddenly an idea struck him. He gave an evil grin which Harry and Ron saw.

Thankful that he had his wand with him, he took it out and incanted, _"Accio Tonks"_, catching an unsuspecting Tonks unawares. She screamed as she was dragged towards in him in the water. He also heard Ron doing the same with Hermione; both the girls falling gracefully in to the water near their respective castors.

"Ron I'll kill you!" Hermione screeched as he merely sniggered.

"Hermione will you lend me a hand to do the same with Remus as well, _please_?" Tonks asked glaring at Remus.

Remus had caught her waist when she had fallen and he hadn't removed his arm from its place. It felt nice to be pressed against her in this way.

"Remus really sometimes you are worse than them." Hermione shook her head.

"Well who started it?" Remus replied back. "Where are Harry and Ginny?"

They all turned around to see both the people in question lip-locked far away from the other human occupants of the lake.

"I see his swimming has improved a lot." Remus commented.

"Something _else_ has also improved though I don't wish to see him practicing it on my little sister. Hermione can you do that bubble head charm? What say we'll take a trip under the water?"

"Don't go too deep." Remus warned as Hermione obliged and soon enough they vanished from their sight.

"See the disadvantages of your all friends being a couple?" Tonks sighed and swam away from his embrace. The water was cold but refreshing.

"Don't wander too far Dora…" He spoke cautiously. He knew she wasn't very good at swimming and just knew the basics.

"Yes you should have thought before you pulled me inside here." She replied, reading his thoughts.

"Do you really think I would have let you fall?" He started following her slowly; giving her place to move yet remaining near to her in case she needed him.

She was about to reply when suddenly her eyes became wide which alarmed him instantly; her mouth opened in a shriek as a look of pure horror crossed her face. She was pulled down in the water, her hands extended for help.

"Dora!" Immediately he swam to her and catching her waist he dragged her upwards.

She gave a loud gasp as he brought her up, taking lungful of air.

"Are you okay?" He asked frantically as she clung to him, her face buried in his neck securely. He rubbed her back and swam away from the same spot in case she felt threatened. "Dora? Did you swallow water?" He asked again, urging her to face him.

"No I-I stopped my breath on time."

He pushed her cherry red hair behind her ears and cupped her face as she clutched his waist.

"What was that?" She asked quietly now that she had calmed a little.

"Giant squid. It was playing with you."

"What?" She looked disgusted. "You call it _playing_? It grabbed my ankle with one of its tentacles and dragged me down!"

His lips twitched with effort to stop his smile. "It's a _squid_ Dora. They don't quite understand humans; humans are bit complicated you see."

"How do you know so much about them and their playing manners?"

"I was once at Hogwarts you know. And I was friends with Sirius Black- one of the most notorious students ever to grace Hogwarts. He had a way of finding trouble and it often led him to this lake; so it's a matter of experience."

"You could have answered it simply you know."

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. He withdrew and looked at her beautiful face. The smile soon turned in to a frown.

"Are you crying?"

"No." She shook her head and looked him right in the eye. "It's water."

"No, you are crying."

"I am not."

"Don't lie to me. What is it?" he tenderly caressed her cheekbones with his thumbs.

"I-I didn't even have my wand with me Remus and I am a senior _Auror_. I forgot my wand in your room." She wiped her nose with the back of her hand as they stood in the swirling water.

"Hush now. I am here aren't I? I wouldn't have let anything happen to you."

"And it's just that…" she trailed off.

"What?" He urged.

"In the final battle… when Bellatrix- I-I had my back towards her- when I had my back towards her, she used the lasso spell…"

"This moment reminded you of that." He completed for her and she nodded. "Bellatrix is dead Dora."

"I know just- got shocked."

He hugged her to himself and kissed her blue clad wet shoulder. It was a feeling he recognized too well- something or the other throwing them in the memory lane. "It's alright. Let's get of the water? I can see Ginny and Harry approaching."

Remus smiled at the approaching couple and far off he could see Ron and Hermione surfacing as well.

"We are leaving Harry. See you at breakfast. I heard your mother and other brothers are arriving today as well Ginny."

Ginny nodded her understanding as Harry pointed to Tonks wordlessly who still had her face hidden in Remus' shoulder.

Remus gave him a reassuring smile and nod, gesturing that he had it in control.

As Remus steered Tonks away from the group, Ron and Hermione came as well.

"Something happened?" Ron asked seeing the somber moods.

"Giant squid decided to have some fun with Tonks but she's okay." Ginny replied.

"Hate that bloody thing." Ron muttered.

"Shouldn't we leave the lake now? It has started to freeze me and Harry and Ron you both have been in water for more than an hour." Hermione admonished as she started to swim towards the bank as Ron followed the suit.

"Sometimes he pampers her like a baby." Ginny spoke to Harry as she started swimming towards the bank. She knew Harry would understand that she was talking about Remus.

"I thought Tonks might not like being coddled like a baby."

"She doesn't; she is one _tough_ Auror. But, it's _Remus_. Every now and then she indulges herself. One cannot be tough all the time. It is not something we see daily but sometimes we just happen to trip upon. Like say, you are turning a corner and there are Remus and Tonks- Remus catering to her and then as soon as they see you, they are back to being responsible adults. It's rather cute actually."

Harry hummed his understanding, a little scheme forming in his mind.

* * *

><p>"Hey Remus." Harry seated himself beside the one of the only last friends of his parents. The great hall looked abandoned but the Gryffindor table was half full with all the Weasleys and their respective partners, Hagrid, the teachers who stayed at Hogwarts during the summer time as well as few of the Order members.<p>

"Hello Harry. I hope you are enjoying being home."

"Yeah." He replied. This is the most peaceful and happy he had been in a long time without any impending loom of any dark lord. "But lots have changed." Tonks had just left for work along with Ron, her all somber mood of the morning had disappeared; she had bid everyone goodbye with a wave of her hand with an exception to Remus to whom she had kissed on cheek. Remus had squeezed her hand and had told her to take care. Their relationship perplexed him.

"You will get used though. And besides there is a Weasley wedding. That is definitely something to look forward to."

"But is everyone really happy?" He started slowly as he fiddled with the spoon of his treacle tart. He simply couldn't rest without trying at least _once_. Remus held a special place in his heart and he wanted him to be happy."You and Tonks- I had thought that you would have gotten together by now, in fact I had thought you would have married her in past year and there must be a little colorful cub on its way."

He looked up, expecting Remus to crack a smile on his wordings but he was met with the gravest expression. Remus had his eyes glued to the table and seemed to be fighting control.

"Harry-" He started his voice tight and face pale. Harry internally cringed. "I would appreciate if you leave things them be. There isn't much you can do in this and sometimes… you just have to leave things to themselves. Excuse me." He stood gracefully and left the table without drawing any attention.

When Tonks returned, he saw that how Remus avoided her. Seeing the hurt on her face, Harry felt immensely guilty knowing well this change in Remus's behavior was because of him.

Apparently _'Remus avoiding Tonks'_ thing was now considered very _novel_ and surprising as everyone noticed the tension between the otherwise inseparable friends.

Next morning however when he saw Remus and Tonks sitting next to each other on the table, with his arm around her shoulders, Harry breathed a little sigh of relief. By the looks of things Remus was trying to cheer Tonks who had a glum and sulky expression on her face. Harry hoped that he was apologizing for his yesterday's distant behavior. A giant weight lifted from his heart when he finally saw Tonks crack a smile.

He _now_ understood what Ginny had meant by not interfering.

* * *

><p>"And it is like being on a vacation. Can you believe it, vacation in <em>school<em>?" Ginny was talking to her mother who had stayed for the night.

Everyone had gathered in the common room after the dinner and he couldn't agree more with Ginny. It really was like a vacation. Hogwarts had become one big large hotel, which had a view to the enormous lake, hills and lush green gardens, fantastic food and had comfortable and cozy rooms.

Then there was room of requirement which took shape as per the user's wishes. As a matter of fact, he knew that room had been used on various nights by almost the all couples present- Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione, George and Angelina, Neville and Luna, Bill and Fleur, Charlie and his Romanian girlfriend whose name he couldn't remember and god forbid even once by Molly and Arthur. Sometimes it felt among men him and Severus and in women only Tonks and Minevra were single. Even though over the course of time Severus had become sort-of a pleasant company, Remus still didn't prefer to share the title with _him_ of all the people. He also knew Tonks wouldn't appreciate being in line with Minevra.

"When will Fleur arrive? Are we sure that it is safe to floo in her condition?" Hermione questioned from her perch on floor, next to Ron.

"Yes dear. For pregnant women, floo is the safest though it is advised that someone must travel along with them. She must be here soon with Bill." Molly replied with a sweet smile. "I can't believe that the third generation of our family will be here in just three months. And now my George and Angelina are getting married as well, I wonder…" She trailed off looking emotional.

George groaned but said nothing from where he sat with Angelina on the bottom step of the stairs. He had recovered bravely from his twin brother's death but had become remotely quiet. Sometimes he wondered the circumstances under which he and Angelina have bounded as she had been Fred's girlfriend; but it was none of his business and he was merely glad that George had found happiness in her.

"This is good Hermione. What did you say it is called?" Tonks asked from where she sat next to him on the love seat, her legs tucked under her and her knees lightly resting on his thigh. Hermione had visited the kitchens and with the help of some elves, had prepared a mock tail for all.

"Watermelon lemonade with kiwifruit splash; with the kiwis being courtesy of Hagrid." Ron spoke on her behalf and Hermione looked at him with raised eyebrows, a smug expression on her face. "Making these many glasses- only half of a kiwi was used because that one single kiwi was as big as Dragon's egg."

Tonks snorted into her drink.

"Easy. Wouldn't want that drink to travel your nose." Remus teased her in low tones. She swatted his hand that was placed on her knee.

The lull in their conversation was broken as the fireplace glared green and Fleur appeared with Bill.

Immediately Molly and all the women stood to greet them rather enthusiastically. Fleur was six months pregnant; her and Bill were staying in France ever since they heard about the pregnancy, with Fleur's parents. Apparently it was a tradition in the Delacour family that the first child was to be born with their maternal grandparents. However with George's wedding, Fleur and Bill had decided to stay this month at Hogwarts where along with Molly, Poppy was present to take good care of the expecting mother.

Fleur looked huge and even more beautiful; pregnancy suited her, Remus decided.

Soon enough all the women had gathered around Fleur who now sat on the couch. Ron and Harry groaned as they were pushed away from their girlfriends so that all ladies can sit together.

Harry sighed and threw himself at the place Tonks was sitting earlier and soon enough, Ron was pushing Remus aside to sit next to him.

"Homeless." Remus grinned in his drink, earning a nudge a in ribs from Harry

"We should take a picture of them." Ron spoke, looking fondly at his family.

Fleur was sitting in between with Molly and Tonks next to her. Next to Tonks was Minevra who had joined them for the mock tail. Ginny, Hermione and Angelina sat at their feet on the floor all fawning over the huge belly.

Bill sat next to Ron on a chair. Ron clapped his back. "So how's the experience so far?"

Bill smiled- a purely _serene_ smile Remus noticed. "I know at this age you all think that it is such a burden… but believe me I have never been this happy before."

"Don't let Mum hear that." George sniggered from behind them.

"…Ze baby moves…" Fleur was saying something while Molly and Minevra looked at her with knowing expression. But Remus was entranced by the look of wonder on Dora's face. She was listening to Fleur's each word with rapt attention.

The girls placed their palms on her stomach when suddenly Ginny exclaimed. "I felt a tiny flutter, is it-?"

"Oui." Fleur smiled.

"Can I?" Tonks asked hesitantly, her palm hovering. Fluer caught it in hers and placed it gently on her lower abdomen.

"Juzt wait for few meenutez."

Tonks had a tiny frown of concentration and she had caught her bottom lip in between her teeth when suddenly Fleur jerked a bit and Tonks's face went from curiosity to wonderment.

"Was it- was it a kick?" She asked reverently.

The other girls immediately placed their palms on the belly again as Fleur nodded in answer.

The baby kicked again, Remus guessed from the girls' squeal.

Dora's lips were parted and she started at Fleur's stomach with longing in her eyes. Soon that longing was replaced by sheen of tears.

Remus smile vanished as he saw various emotions cross her beautiful face. He was the only one to notice the tears the gathered in the corner of her eyes which she blinked away; maybe because he was also the one who was watching _Tonks_ instead, continuously.

She gave them all a cheerful smile before she excused herself. She purposefully avoided his eyes because he thought deep down she knew he must have seen her.

He gave her full one minute before he excused himself as well.

He found her on the balcony, leaning against the railing, her vibrant pink hair whipping behind her shoulders.

"Dora…" He announced his presence when he was few feet away from her.

"Yeah…" Her voice was such that it indicated she was forcefully trying to sound casual. "Just thought I'd do a round of the castle… precautionary measures."

"What did I say about not trying to hide your tears from me?" He questioned. Her back was to him and he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Look at me Dora."

She turned with no trace of tears on her face and gave him a smile.

"I am okay. Just got overwhelmed."

Remus knew he had a pained expression on his face as he said: "Everyone there had a smile. Only _you_ had tears in your eyes. Why?" He gripped her shoulders with both his hands.

"Remus please." She shut her eyes and let her head fall.

He took a deep breath and felt it getting caught in his throat. "What are you waiting for Nymphadora? When will you stop _waiting_?" His voice broke a little.

She raised her head and looked at him with a piercing gaze. This had been the most he had acknowledged this- this _thing_ in between them in a year. She shrugged his hands and moved away from him.

"What are you talking about?" She had turned away with her arms across her chest and she spoke through clenched teeth.

Her tone held a warning but he ignored. "I am not going to change my mind Dora. Stop wasting your life after me. Stop wasting it after a _cripple_. You are twenty six and you don't even have a _boyfriend_; you have no intention of settling down, why? You are healthy; you are at the height of your career… If- If there's a right time it is now." He spoke every word with difficulty but he had to say it. He had recognized that look of longing on her face. She wanted what Fleur had. And he wanted her to have everything she ever wanted. Except him. "You want a baby…" He whispered in the quiet of the night and stepped towards her. "Something I can never give you."

She snapped her head to look at him and he had never seen such venom in her eyes. It made him cower in fear.

"You don't know anything, _anything_ Remus." She spat the words at him and he cringed.

Bracing himself he took another step towards her and cupped her face. She flinched but made no move to brush him off. She closed her eyes as if seeking control.

"Then tell me Dora, tell me."

When she opened her eyes again the world's pain was there in those brown orbs which he longed to remove.

"When we agreed on friendship, you promised that you'd never force me to find-find someone _better_." She threw the word on his face.

"I am not forcing you love. I am just asking… just asking what it is you are waiting for."

"I am not ready for a relationship. I don't _want_ a relationship. I am happy as I am. With my friends…with you."

"It is not going to be enough Dora." He shook his head at this-this _wonderful_ girl who adored him so much.

"It will be. _It is_."

She shrugged off his hands again and ran off away from him.

"Dora!"

She ignored him and didn't turn around.

He sighed and leaned against the wall. It would be better if he left her for some time to cool down. He'll look for her then.

He wondered again as he did daily- yes the war was over, but when will his heart have peace?

* * *

><p><em>AN: I got few reviews so I updated; thank you so very much for reviewing! Please give your feedback!_


	4. Chapter 4

"Has anyone seen Tonks?" Remus asked the group of four friends sitting on their usual place under the tree.

"No actually, I was wondering where she went to." Hermione sat up and answered his question. All others were looking at him curiously as well.

"Oh."

"Remus did something happened?" Ginny asked hesitantly.

"I- she was… upset and well… I haven't seen her for four hours. I have been searching the whole castle for past hour."

"You could have asked me instead." Harry replied as he stood up. "I could have looked up in the map you know."

"Oh the map! I have it." Ginny jumped to her feat and pulled out the parchment from her cardigan pocket.

"You have the map?" Ron asked his sister at the same time Hermione asked, "You carry with it all time?"

"Harry gave me before he left and yes I carry it with me; feels nice to know where others are in the castle." She looked up the map as Harry searched for Tonks in it as well.

"She's not on Hogwarts ground." Harry declared after few minutes.

Remus sighed and raked his hands through his hair. He knew she was an Auror and could take care of herself yet it worried him. He shouldn't have pushed her far. He felt terribly guilty.

"We should look in Hogsmeade if you are that worried." Ron spoke and others agreed.

"I... okay."

"Remus can you open the gates?" Ginny questioned as they started to move.

"Yes." He replied shortly.

"Okay one of us can look in Hog's head, Three Broomsticks, Honeydukes and Madam Pudifoot's maybe-" Ron was saying when he was interrupted by Harry.

"Yeah right Tonks in _Pudifoot's_ when she's upset; what would she be doing there? Drinking tea and playing with confetti?"

They continued to talk as Remus opened the gates. Minevra had given the authority to him along with other teachers.

They firstly prowled the streets of Hogsmeade; there were fewer crowds at this hour. They all separated to look in different places and Remus made a beeline for Three broomsticks. When he took first sweep of the pub, he thought she wasn't there; however when he looked more carefully second time, he saw a brown haired _drunk_ woman, leaning heavily against the counter and giggling uncontrollably.

As he approached he saw a blonde wizard of about her age chatting her up, looking equally drunk. _Oh joy!_

Rosmerta beckoned him when she saw him, looking relieved.

"I was about to close the pub and was thinking about what to do with them." She spoke through the corner of her mouth. Mostly everyone knew of his friendship with Tonks and how close they were. "At least you can take Tonks with you now."

"Yes thank you; how much did she drink?" He questioned, keeping an eye on her, on both of them, as he searched his pocket for coins.

"Fifteen galleon."

"What? A firewhisky just costs seven sickles! How did she manage to drink so much?" He replied as he counted galleons to pay, thankful that he had enough with him.

"Well she has been drinking rather extravagantly…"

He approached her from behind and unwrapped her hands from the tumbler she was clutching. "Come on Tonks…"

"Hey! I am not going any-anywhere…" Her words were slurred as she squinted at him.

He didn't reply to her instead removed the foreign hands of the blonde wizard, which were clutching Tonks's waist as if to prevent her from being taken.

"Take your hands off her." Remus hissed at the man, not willing to get into an argument with a drunk. A drunk Tonks was difficult enough to handle.

"Why should I do that you-you old man… She agreed to spend the night with me!"

"Yeah, he's-his name is- what's your name dude?" Tonks asked the man as she struggled with Remus's grip on her shoulder.

"Raallppph."

"Yeah so Raallppph here is taking me home tonight so off you go Lupin." Tonks clutched Remus' shoulders and shook him. Even as a drunk, she had lots of strength. "I am getting laid tonight! Finally!" She screamed but the effect was sort of ruined when she hiccuped.

Remus sighed and felt the door open and others entering. Fortunately or unfortunately there were very few people in the pub and were watching Tonks's embarrassing display rather aptly. At least the pub wasn't full.

"Dora don't be stubborn love; come on let us go, it's getting late." He tried to cajole her in soft tones which he knew generally she wasn't able to deny. But then, she didn't know what she was doing.

His patience was checked when Ralph clutched Tonks thighs and dragged her forward. Remus caught hold of his wrists, dug his nails in his flesh and threw them away with force enough that his stool wobbled.

"You keep your filthy hands off _my girl_!" He snarled.

"M not your gurrl…!" Tonks screeched. "I am Raallppph's girl tonight." She giggled.

"Dora." He spoke sternly; cupping her face he made her look at him. Yes, she was drunk and was acting funny but he could see all the sadness on her face.

"He even bought me drink." She pouted.

"Yes? Then how come your bill is so high?" He muttered and sighed. "Look come with me okay?"

She gave a very suggestive smirk and he knew immediately she was going to say something highly embarrassing. "If you promise that I'll get _some_ tonight. Can we have sex please? _Sexxxx_?" She winked and burst out laughing.

He sighed and ignored the heat crawling up his neck. He knew he'd have to use force now. Thankfully Ralph had got the shock of night and was staring owlishly at them.

He placed her arm on his shoulders and clutched his free hand to her waist. She shrieked and protested but he half dragged her and carried her out of the pub as Harry held the door open for them. Thankfully they weren't looking at him in the face.

They'd walked just few feet from the pub when Tonks stopped again.

"Nooo I am not going until you promise that I am getting laid tonight Remus please please please!"

He thought if doing a _silencio_ on her would be appropriate.

Suddenly she stopped struggling and hugged his waist; she buried her face in his chest. She sniffed and his heart melted as he hugged her back and stroked her hair.

"Please don't argue, you just need some sleep, trust me, everything is going to be okay."

"I want to sleep with you." Her voice wobbled as she pressed her cold nose to his neck. "We can make a baby then." She whispered very quietly; he was sure even her drunken self hadn't wanted him to hear that. His heart ached at her words.

Knowing it was the only thing that will get her going, he spoke: "Okay we'll do as you say alright? But for that we'll need to reach till bedroom isn't it? Let's get moving. Come on."

This time she moved without any resistance.

Harry and Ron were looking at him with wide eyes while the girls avoided his eyes.

"Don't ask." He muttered and moved as fast as he could with half of Tonks's weight leaning on him before she could stop again.

After ten minutes of walk, they reached his quarter and he made her sit on the edge of the bed. Just as he kneeled in front of her to take off her shoes, she started taking off her robes.

"Hey!" He admonished. She was wearing a rather _tight_ tights and a long shirt, paired with witch robes covering her back. That was the way she usually dressed up, mixing wizard and muggle clothing.

"What? I'll need to get undress for you to-"

"Okay wait." He interrupted her before she could go any further. Outside his embarrassment had saved him from getting turned on but here alone with a tipsy Tonks the scope was very less. "Wouldn't you prefer that I undress you?" He asked buying for some time.

She gave a shy smile and bit her lip, nodding her assent.

After taking off her boots, he tried again, "Just go to sleep okay-"

"No you promised me-" She pouted again and reached for his shirt, trying to untuck it.

"Dora please." He tried to seek control. He managed to untangle her hands from his shirt and took hold of her one wrist in his hand.

"Don't you like me…?"

"You are my everything, you know that." He answered honestly.

"You don't want to touch me… you don't touch me." She looked ready to cry.

"I do touch you, I am touching you." He cupped her face with his free hand and told her sincerely.

"Not like this…" She whispered staring in to his eyes.

She caught his hand and dragged it to her chest slowly that his hand covered the full curve of her breast, resulting in him taking a ragged breath. "Like this…" She whispered again as somehow she caught wrist of his other hand as well and placed it on her thigh, urging it in between her legs.

The room was thick with tension as he dropped his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. It was time like these when it became really hard to control, pun intended. He took a deep breath to calm himself but only managed to inhale the scent of her arousal.

Just as she increased the pressure of his hand on her breast and shifted her position so that his hand was positioned in between her legs, he wrenched his hands away from her with great difficulty.

"Okay let me at least close the doors? Wouldn't want anyone to barge in right? And I'll light up some candles just as you like. Give me two minutes. Just lie down and I will be back."

Surprisingly she agreed. "Yes close the doors. Then we will shag like bunnies. We'll have a roll in the sheets… intercourse…sex…fornicate…cop-colpulate…screw 'n fuck! You can lick and finger-"

He groaned at her words and silenced her by placing his palm on her mouth; he urged her to lie down. He wondered why her vocabulary wasn't affected by alcohol.

"Just close your eyes for two minutes." He stroked her head and said in low tones. She obeyed and he waited for her to fall asleep. "Just close your eyes… and then I'll be with you Dora. My sweet Dora… sleep." He waited with bated breath to see if she will open her eyes again.

Within minutes she was asleep.

He took a sigh of relief and kissed her forehead. His heart still pounded as he righted her shirt which she had somehow dragged upwards, revealing her midriff. His hand which had held the soft curve just minutes before, still tingled. It had been more than a year since he had held her this way but he hadn't forgotten the feel of her. He covered her with the blankets and closed off the lights.

He'll need a long cold shower but before that he needed to do one thing.

"Harry." He found four of them on their way to Gryffindor common room.

They turned and looked at him.

"I'd appreciate if none of you mentioned this to her in morning."

"But-" Hermione started.

"She won't remember it, I am certain. She hadn't been this drunk since- well since a long time. She'll only be embarrassed if she learned the way she behaved. It-it wasn't her fault, she wasn't in her senses exactly-" he started to speak defensively.

"Remus-" Harry interrupted him. "-we all have been drunk atleast one time so we know how it feels. Don't worry we won't say anything."

"Thank you." He sighed and left them to reach the girl who was currently lying in his bed; who herself was asleep soundly but had left no scope for him to sleep tonight.

* * *

><p>A groan of pain. That was all he needed as he sat down next to a tousled hair Tonks.<p>

"Your coffee with hangover cure in it." He spoke and soon enough she was turning with one bleary eye open. She reached blindly for the cup he held tightly in his grip. Taking a sip, she sighed.

"You are a life saver." She said groggily as she sat up and leaned against the headboard, clutching the mug in both her hands. "What did I do?"

He smothered his smirk of amusement. She looked adorable.

He shrugged. "Got drunk. You don't remember do you?" He asked warily.

"Mmmm no. Didn't do something embarrassing did I?" She asked already wincing in anticipation of his answer.

"Do you think I'd let you do something embarrassing when you aren't in your senses?" He ruffled her hair further; he was the only person allowed to mess with her hair.

She sighed with relief before he said-

"Just stay clear of a blonde wizard named Ralph." He smirked and pressed the back of his hand to his mouth to smoother his laugh.

She groaned. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, really. Just… he sort of wanted to take you home-"

"No really?" She asked in astonishment. "What did you do?"

"Told him that I was a rather infamous werewolf and full moon was just one week away and also that he wouldn't want getting on my bad side. He was silenced into oblivion."

"Perks of having a pet werewolf." She giggled in her coffee.

"You are awfully cheerful for someone who drank alcohol worth of fifteen galleons last night. I shouldn't have given you the potion and should have let you suffer. You had me right worried when I couldn't find you for hours."

She gave him an 'aww' sort of expression; placing her cup aside, she crawled to him.

"I am so sorry." She hugged his waist and hid her face in his collarbone.

He sighed contentedly, glad that she didn't remember anything. He circled her shoulders with his arms and hugged her tighter, dropping a kiss on the crown of her head.

"I wanted to apologize Dora. I shouldn't have pushed you so much last night."

"Mmm."

"You know me; hurting you is the last thing I want. I just don't like seeing you upset."

"Mmm it's okay." She surfaced and kissed both his cheeks. "You are forgiven."

Her face was so near. He looked in her eyes and said truthfully: "You are so kind."

"Nope." She shook her head, her hair getting in her eyes. "I am your best friend."

He swiped away her bangs from her forehead and placed a lingering kiss on it. "That you are."

She sighed contentedly and hugged him again, half crawling in his lap. Her breath warmed his neck.

He held her for few minutes when their stupor was suddenly broken by the loud bang of the door opening.

"Remus-" Hermione hurried but stopped as she saw both the friends clinging.

Tonks untangled herself respectfully and sat back with a good distance between them.

"Sorry should have knocked." Ginny spoke who stood behind Hermione.

"Nonsense." Both Tonks and Remus spoke at same time.

"We just came to call you for breakfast."

"We'll be there. I am famished!" Tonks exclaimed as she dragged herself off the bed. "I'll just take a shower and get change. Meanwhile Remus can join you." She hopped as she struggled to wear her boots.

Within minutes she was out as Hermione and Ginny still looked uncomfortable at barging in at the wrong moment.

"We are again sorry for disturbing you both."

"Oh sod it! You both are behaving as if you just disturbed two lovers while they were busy snogging or something! Come on I am hungry as well."

Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes behind his back, with Ginny muttering _'as if'_.

* * *

><p>"What are you wearing at the wedding Tonks?" Ginny asked as the girls took a round on the edge of forbidden forest.<p>

"I have no clue. Why don't we visit the shops someday?"

"I say we visit the muggle London as they have more variety." Hermione interjected.

"It's only just us who is left to shop because Angelina will be going shopping with Mrs. Johnson and for Fleur the shop assistant will come with the samples, seeing as the dress will have to designed of her _special_ size."

"And did you hear Tonks that the boys are throwing a party next week?"

"Bachelor party?"

"No not that but a general one; sort-of pre-wedding party."

Tonks hummed in thought as Ginny and Hermione exchanged looks.

"Will you be bringing a date?" Hermione asked Tonks carefully knowing that how generally such topics were touchy both for her and Remus.

"Will I have to?" She frowned.

"It's not as if you'll not be allowed entry if you decide to come alone…."

"Just by the looks of things it seems it will be a pretty big party. We all are allowed to invite all our friends."

"I see… I'll see if Remus is willing to come with me." She shrugged in nonchalance as she said.

"When is your day off? We can go for shopping that day…" Hermione immediately changed the topic in case Tonks changed her mind. Convincing Tonks wasn't the difficult part; but rather to convince _Remus_ was difficult and no one in their right mind was going to talk to Remus about this in case it disturbed the momentum of things between them.

* * *

><p>"Off to work?" Remus inquired as Tonks passed from next to him wearing her Auror robes. The boys soared above their heads, playing Quidditch or rather a very unprofessional version of Quidditch.<p>

"Hey! I didn't see you. Yes I am off and I'll come back late today; have to attend a hearing at wizengamot. I wanted to ask something actually."

"Yes?" Remus probed while adjusting an errand green curl from her face that had separated from its companions.

"The boys are throwing a party next weekend. Will you attend it with me?" She squinted in sunlight.

He avoided her eyes as he brushed off invisible dust from her shoulder. "I don't think that will be required, it's just a small party."

"That's what I thought but Ginny and Hermione told me that there will be a lot of people."

He sighed and reluctantly looked in her eyes. "I- why don't you ask somebody else? I am not sure I'll come… and if I do then I think it would be better if I attended it stag."

Tonks tilted her head looking disappointed. "It's alright." She didn't push just grimaced.

She hugged him briefly in goodbye as their ritual was and kissed him on his cheek.

"Be careful." He murmured as he kissed her cheek back.

The disappointed look he had seen so many times on her face didn't disappear as she smiled and walked away.

Above him, Harry, who had came close enough to listen to their conversation under the pretense of catching the snitch, gave an imperceptible shake of his head to his companions; all sharing the same look of disappointment.


	5. Chapter 5

The boys had hired a professional wizard decorator for the event and Hogwarts' Great hall looked beautiful. The four tables were absent; instead small round tables were placed near the walls to accommodate guests. In between was a huge circular dance floor which was elevated about three inch from the ground, rotating really slowly while the buffet was placed on one side adjacent to the wall.

A deep rich brown colored carpet was spread at the entrance to welcome the guests, the huge garlands of flower hung at the door. Pomander of pink colored flowers hung from the ceiling, which glowed, leaving the hall in bright light. It looked breath taking.

The group of four friends stood in a corner, watching the entrance anxiously.

"Do you think she'll even come?" asked Ron stuffing a chicken cutlet in his mouth.

"She said so." Ginny replied though now she was starting to get worried. They hadn't seen Tonks whole day but had expected her to arrive the earliest. Now the party had continued for more than one hour, yet there was no sign of her.

"If she comes, though the chances are bleak now, do you think she'll bring a date?" Hermione asked, adjusting the crease of her dress.

"Honestly I don't know if that will be good or bad." Harry replied irritably. "How can any man be so-so-" He left the sentence incomplete when he couldn't find right words and threw another irritable glance at Remus who was talking politely to Charlie.

"He has his reasons Harry." Ginny rubbed his arm comfortingly. She looked quite fetching in her pale blue dress. "You cannot blame the man for not wanting to _allegedly_ destroy the life of a woman he holds near to his heart."

"You know, even if Tonks brings a date, I don't think it will get any reaction from him. If anything, he might just go and congratulate her for grabbing a date." Ron replied.

"He did say to her to ask someone else; can't say I blame her." Hermione replied darkly.

"Harry, will you dance with me? I don't think she's coming."

They all agreed and were just about to turn away when they saw a figure draped in light pink enter the Great hall.

"Oh look!" Ginny exclaimed. Tonks barely ever got ready but they had to admit that when she did, there was not an ounce of doubt that she looked extremely bewitching.

"I love her hair." Hermione whispered excitedly as boys rolled their eyes. As far as they could see, Tonks had chocolaty hair done in a bun; they didn't know what was so special about it though she did look nice.

"Hey who's that-?" Ron pointed to the man who had appeared behind Tonks, looking handsome in typical wizard robes.

"Oh she did bring a date." As soon as the words left Hermione's mouth, their necks immediately snapped in Remus's direction.

Ever since the man had joined them, he had been frequently looking for Tonks and they all had seen him glancing at the doors every now and then. Now that Tonks had appeared with a date, they were quite eager to see Remus's expression.

Remus once again glanced at the door as if not really expecting anything different but immediately did a double take. His eyes landed on Tonks and his eyes softened, his mouth opened as if in a sigh. The expression on his face was a sight to behold when it turned grave as he saw the man trailing behind Tonks.

He blinked as he saw Tonks turning back to throw a small smile to her companion. He pressed his lips together tightly, a muscle jumping in his jaw as it always did whenever he was tensed. Staring at them for few moments, he turned away, walking over to Dedalus Diggle.

All four groaned in annoyance. "He probably should have asked Diggle as his date!"

"Ginny come on."

"Where are you both going?" Ron inquired.

"To check who this guy is." And the girls were off leaving Ron and Harry behind.

"Wanna try the punch?"

* * *

><p>"Tonks!"<p>

Tonks turned around to look in the direction Ginny and Hermione were standing, beckoning Tonks over.

"You both look very beautiful." She grinned at the girls as she reached them.

"It's you we should talk about; so far we have seen at least ten men eyeing you and you haven't been in the party for more than five minutes." Hermione winked as she picked up a glass of drink flying around them and handed it to Tonks who was rolling her eyes at her statement.

"What took you so long?" Ginny asked.

Tonks merely shrugged.

Hermione exchanged a long look with Ginny. Tonks's mood seemed a bit off.

"Who's your date?"

"Who?" Tonks frowned at Ginny's question when comprehension dawned on her. "Oh! Davis? He's not my date… you girls did say that we were allowed to invite friends and actually Davis is a fellow Auror, he wanted to meet the Order; ever since I told him about the party, he practically begged me to bring him here."

"So he's not your date?"

"No, did you see me arriving with my hands on his arms? I explicitly told him that I was only there to grant him entry, rest he won't be my responsibility."

"He seems rather nice…" Hermione commented.

"Don't let Ron hear you saying that." Tonks teased.

"Oh I heard this joke, it said, that just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu." Ginny smirked and they all chuckled.

* * *

><p>Tonks approached Remus who stood alone with a glass of wine in his hand. Without a word, she lightly took away the glass and let it fall, the glass catching itself just on time to fly to the table it initially came from.<p>

Remus said nothing just looked at her with calm eyes. The smile that usually he wore in her presence was absent. Tonks didn't let go of his hand.

And then began the staring match. They both maintained the eye contact as the world around them vanished.

"I see you managed to get a date." His voice was hoarser than usual and grim.

Tonks merely placed his hand on her waist silently and started walking backwards. She knew dance floor was on an elevated surface and she would stumble once she reached there; however she trusted him to catch her.

"I see that you aren't seeing clearly enough." She spoke in equally low tones. Despite the loud music and chatter they had no trouble hearing each other. "He's not my date. He wanted to meet the Order, he's an Auror… I merely helped him in getting the entry, seeing as outsiders are not allowed."

"He isn't bad looking…" He replied in quiet and rough tone, still walking with her as she guided him to their destination.

"Funny you noticed how the man arriving with me looked but not how I looked." Her ankles collided with the dance floor and she stumbled. But as expected Remus caught her waist just on time, managing to pull her flush against himself.

Tonks tip toed backwards again as he followed.

"You are all… I have managed to look, ever since you came." He rasped, his sweet breath fanning her lips. She placed his other hand on her waist as well which slowly crawled up just below her shoulder blades, touching the skin not covered by her dress. She circled her arms around his shoulders. "You look… like a sunrise-" He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "-like a ray of sunlight in dark, like a cool breeze in summer… you look like… life."

Instead of cracking a shy smile she generally would have at his bashful compliments, she finally broke the eye contact and laid her head down on his shoulder as they swayed on the spot. She inhaled his scent and planted her one hand firmly on his chest.

He pulled her tighter and kissed the side of her head. "I am sorry."

"For what?" she whispered as her fingers caressed the fine fabric of his robe. He looked nice in his wizard wear.

"I don't know… I feel like I should…" He replied truthfully. "…sorry for the lack of your smile…"

"You don't have monopoly over my smile, you know." She raised her head and pressed her nose below his jaw line.

"Sorry for… not being enough." He spoke quietly.

Instead of replying she touched her fingertips to his mouth, indicating him to be silent.

He kissed her fingertips just before she withdrew them. She placed her head back on his shoulder but this time she faced others instead of him such that the back of her head was near his lips.

This was how it was between them. Anyone looking at them, looking in their eyes would know immediately they were not a normal pair. The way he held her, the way her eyes were closed in calm, the way his lips touched her head went beyond the scope of friendship; however those lips never touched hers, those hands never roamed over her body the way they should, the words exchanged between them were never of love or lust.

She discreetly wiped the lone tear that escaped her closed eyelid.

The way he pulled her closer, if possible, the way his lips touched her shoulder, she wondered if he had sensed the wetness in her eyes too.

Not for thousandth time she reminded herself that this was how it was going to be until her dying breath. She had accepted long ago, had accepted defeat for first time, she just needed reminding herself from time to time.

It will have to be enough.

* * *

><p>"Oh Ron…" Hermione moaned into Ron's hair as he lavished her neck with wet kisses. He pulled her closer, his fingers digging in her hips.<p>

"Ron-my dress." Hermione hissed as he pulled the skirt of her dress rather roughly to reach for her legs underneath.

"Bugger the dress." He dragged his mouth from her neck and pulled her into deep kiss.

"Easy for you to say." She sighed as his hands caressed her thighs, her carefully done hair coming out of their hairdo. "I spent galleons on this."

"And it has served its purpose." He spoke as he fiddled with the zipper at her back. "You looked ravishing my love, it proved very difficult to keep my hands off you whole evening. But when that drop of wine dribbled from your mouth, traveled through your neck into your dress, I knew I just had to have you." He succeeded and pulled the zipper down, caressing her back. "Thankfully we found this broom closet, wasn't sure I could manage a walk to my room…"

"Oh Ron…"

"Her…my…knee…"

They were rather pre-occupied when a voice startled them; well more like startled Hermione because Ron couldn't get past the pounding in his ears.

"Ron Stop!" She hissed in his ear, causing him to groan.

"Who's there?! Reveal yourself!" Came the loud and clear voice of Remus Lupin.

They stared at each other, blush rapidly coloring their faces.

"I'll count to three, if you don't reveal yourself, I'll burst the door." He threatened, they could just imagine Remus standing alert with wand in hand.

"I-um…uh it's-it's Ron."

There was a beat of silence. "Ron? Prove it."

Ron wracked his brains, it was a miracle he even remembered his name, given his position. He only managed to stammer, knowing that it was only increase Remus's suspicion.

"It-it was Ron who suggested your name for Muggle studies position." Hermione said in a shaky voice.

"Hermione?" Remus asked, his voice faltering.

"Yes…" Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. Oh this was humiliating.

"Oh." Remus replied simply after a moment. Ron got a strong impression that he was trying to control his laughter. "Well, I'll leave you to it."

They heard his footsteps walking away from them when they halted again. "And try a silencing charm you know. Not everyone will be courteous enough to _ask_ you. We don't want your mother to walk in now, do we?" With that he burst out laughing, his voice slowly fading away as he walked far from them.

Ron looked at Hermione for a long moment who looked as if she would prefer nothing more than to Earth swallow her.

"Oh sod it! It isn't as if he thinks we have been studying Astronomy upstairs all these nights." With that he took out his wand and performed the silencing charm. Remus was one thing but he wouldn't really want his mother to find them.

* * *

><p>Remus was busy preparing notes for his new session when an impromptu visit from none other than Severus Snape startled him. Severus generally preferred to floo him if ever the need came, rarely it was that he himself visited.<p>

Thus looking at his somber than usual face, Remus immediately knew something was wrong.

"What is it?" He asked getting from his chair.

"Perhaps you should come to the Great hall." Snape replied in a cautious manner.

They only were this cautious with him in one matter. "Is it Tonks? Is she okay?" He asked in a panic, grabbing his coat and wand.

"Yes she's okay- take your cane with you. So many flights of stairs won't be good on your leg."

His leg always troubled him just before and after full moon that he had to walk with a cane for few days to avoid exerting stress on his half healed injury. He grabbed the cane from near the door and gestured for Severus to lead, his heart hammering hard.

Tonks was surrounded by their friends with Ginny and Hermione sitting next to her. Just as she saw him, she immediately got up from her sitting place. She had tears in her eyes.

"Remus!" She ran to him as he struggled with his pace to walk faster. She hugged him with force and his cane clattered to the floor.

"What is it? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" It had been a long time since she had hugged him with such urgency. He felt her back, her head to search for any injury. In front of him, others looked on with sad looks. "Dora?"

"I am okay." She whispered in a thick voice.

"Then?" He asked impatiently, eager to know what was wrong with his girl.

"Davis."

"What about him love?" He urged her to look at him. "Tell me. Did he do something? Did he hurt you?" He asked as thousands of possibilities crossed his mind.

And with that question she burst into tears.

"He's – He's dead!" She sobbed out.

"What?!" He exclaimed.

When she was unable to reply due to her tears, he hugged her tightly to his chest and looked helplessly at his friends.

"They were out for Rodolphus Lestrange." Ron answered in a grim voice. "He was hidden in a cave; _Homenum revelio_ didn't show him. Davis offered to check in first. Lestrange- he- he _Avada kedavara-ed_ Davis on sight."

"Oh god." His hold on Tonks tightened who was slowly gaining some control.

"They realized late… When he didn't show up, Aurors got suspicious… As they approached the cave, another killing curse got barely past Tonks."

Remus felt sick as he heard Ron's word.

He had come so close to losing her… and he had been oblivious, he had been busy making notes.

"I thought it was all over." Fury coursed his vein. "I thought it was over with the war." Rodolphus had tried to kill her- _her_- his Dora. "Tell me you at least got him."

"He's dead as well."

Remus didn't feel the satisfaction; he felt as if the man had gotten off fairly easily.

Ron looked pale and shaken as well.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "Were you there?"

Ron shook his head. "I wasn't allowed on the exact site. I, along with other trainee was observing from far. It was me who alerted Robards…"

"He was so pale Remus…" Tonks whimpered lowly.

Remus's eyes were pained as he held her; slowly he extracted her from himself only to hug her shoulders. "Come on…" He gestured her to walk. Harry ran and picked up his cane for him. Remus nodded his thanks.

* * *

><p>"Sit." Remus sat Tonks on the loveseat in his room, placing himself next to her. He urged her to lie down such that she was curled in a ball, her head in his lap.<p>

He stroked her hair as she retold him everything."…and we were just laughing before that- and-and we had no idea that we were about to lose him forever… It was all my fault."

"Hush Dora." He immediately interrupted her. "We promised each other that we will never blame ourselves for our fallen comrades. If you had known, you would have done everything in you to save him." He tenderly wiped her face. "How many of you were there?"

"Just three. We had got a tip off and we were so sure that it was false. He had been on run for one year and we haven't managed to catch… we just thought it was another false alarm… how wrong we were."

He sighed. "Dora your job… it leaves scares me to death every time you leave for work…" He shook his head. He was still shaken with the news that a killing curse had got barely past her. "I'll make some tea for us."

She started to get up to allow him to move when she winced. Remus immediately alarmed, knelt in front of her.

"What?"

"Here- hurts." She pointed to her ribs with eyes full of pain.

He slowly took off her robe to gain access to her shirt. He pulled it up to her midriff.

"There's no bruise." He frowned, observing the clear pale skin.

Tonks's breathing had evened out and she opened her eyes to look for herself. "Why is it hurting then?"

"Were you hit?"

"Don't remember." She shook her head sadly.

He touched his fingers to the spot in question and she cringed again.

"I'll have Poppy check it. It might be some internal injury." She croaked out.

"Poppy's not here Dora. She had gone to see some sick relative of hers. We need to go to St Mungo's."

"Not right now." She instantly declined. Covering her skin she curled again into a fetal position on the sofa.

"But it might be some dark magic-"

"It doesn't feel like dark magic, I'd known that. May be there's some swelling inside or something. I'll go in the morning…."

"Dora…" He looked worriedly at her. He didn't like stalling it, it could be serious.

"Please Remus. I just want to stay here, with you near me. Go fetch me the tea you were talking about, better lace it with firewhisky."

He sighed in defeat. "I'll come with you tomorrow as well." He wiped the remaining tears from her face and kissed the corner of her mouth.

Covering her with his blanket, he left to make them some tea and wondered when all this will finally stop.


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you her husband?" The healer in lime green robes sitting behind the desk questioned them.

Remus opened his mouth warily to answer but he was interrupted.

"No, he's a very dear friend of mine and we are close. I wouldn't have anyone _else_ accompany me." Tonks answered confidently.

It wasn't the first time they were mistaken for something more than friends and by now, it didn't really surprise him.

"Oh very well." If the healer found it odd she didn't show it. "Will you be comfortable having your check up in front of him?" This time she asked Tonks directly. "Patients generally prefer company during the procedure."

"Yes, it will be okay."

Nodding, the healer hit the bell kept on her desk. After few seconds a medi-witch entered the room.

"This is Sarah Ms. Tonks and Mr. Lupin, she'll be conducting your complete check up. First time it will be just basics and then second time we'll give you a potion to drink and we'll repeat the same procedure again." She spoke in a professional yet friendly tone. "Sarah please take them to the observation room."

Tonks took hold of his hand and they followed the medi-witch.

It was a small barely lit room with a high bed placed in center, curtains drawn all around it. There was also a lone bench placed in the corner.

"Miss you'll have to take off your shirt." The medi-witch spoke to Tonks, her wand already in one hand and a writing pad in another.

"I'll wait outside." Remus immediately offered though he was stopped by the pressure on his hand.

"Stay Remus." She looked a little ill and paler than usual. He couldn't understand if it was because of yesterday's trauma or her injury.

"Dora-" He started to protest.

"Please." She spoke in a low voice. "It isn't as if you haven't seen it before." She mumbled quietly and reached for her shirt.

He felt himself blushing and ignored the medi-witch's pointed gaze. He averted his eyes but not before he caught her wearing a black bra with yellow outline.

She handed him her shirt and he reached for it blindly, his one hand still trapped in hers.

He saw in his periphery as the medi-witch started to wave her wand in complicated patterns, over Tonks' skin; sometimes touching the tip of her wand to the skin and jotting the observations down on the pad. She continued her check up when suddenly Tonks inhaled sharply.

"What?" He immediately sought her face, forgetting his resolve to give her privacy despite her insistent that she didn't need it.

"Did it tickle Miss?" The medi-witch questioned.

"Yes- just it was a bit more painful."

The medi-witch nodded as if it wasn't unusual and noted it down.

Once it was over, Sarah handed a small potion bottle to Remus. "She'll have to drink this. I'll return after ten minutes. Meanwhile I'll show these readings to the healer."

"She could have given it to me directly." Tonks grumbled once the medi-witch had walked away, snatching the vial away from him. She took it in one huge gulp, grimacing at the taste.

He picked up a white afghan bearing the stamp of the hospital, placed beside the pillow and sat down next to her on the bed. He covered her upper body with the afghan but didn't remove his hand from her shoulder. "Why so glum?" He asked her with a small encouraging smile.

She shrugged. "Robards owled. Davis' funeral is tomorrow." She spoke softly. "I thought- I was done attending funerals…" her eyes shimmied and she placed her head on his shoulder.

"Oh Dora… it's going to be alright…" he knew they were empty words but there wasn't much he could say. He realized the pain of losing a friend, a comrade only too well. Such pain went away with time but ache lingered forever.

After few minutes Remus realized that the medi-witch was late. She had said she'd come after ten minutes however it was past twenty minutes. Tonks was also getting restless. They had to wait for few more minute when the woman- Sarah- came in.

"The healer would like to see you." She directed to Remus.

Remus exchanged a look with Tonks. "Couldn't it wait? We'll see together whatever remark she has to give."

"But she insists on seeing you right now."

"Is everything okay?" He was getting uncomfortable. What it was that the healer couldn't say in front of Tonks?

"Oh yes she wants to ask some questions regarding Miss Tonks. Meanwhile, I'll continue the check up on Miss."

"Go Remus, I'll be alright. It's just a check up." Tonks smiled reassuringly at him.

Giving her shoulder a squeeze, he left the room.

* * *

><p>"You wanted to see me?"<p>

"Ah Mr. Lupin please sit."

He took a seat in front of the healer who he noticed was observing the same notes medi-witch had taken. She was making him nervous.

"Normally, we allow only blood relatives or spouses to accompany the patient during any check up or treatment but- well since it's you and Auror Tonks, both the Order of Merlin awardee, we decided to overlook our policy. "

"Yes thank you… well the medi-witch said you wanted to ask some questions…?"

"Yes. For how many years have you known Miss Tonks?"

"About four years."

"Okay, well I wanted to ask when did Miss Tonks miscarry?"

Remus blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

The healer looked at him for a long moment and then went back to her parchment. "The preliminary check up reveals that Miss Tonks was expecting and inclination is towards that she miscarried."

Remus's brain was buzzing. "I think you have some misunderstanding. Tonks has never been pregnant." He spoke confidently.

The healer sighed in annoyance. "Maybe she doesn't tells you everything-"

"No, I am sure of it; I suggest you redo the check up, there's something wrong obviously."

"Well you have known her only for four years, maybe before she met you; youngsters are often rash and-"

"Look before she met me- it's- it's not possible." Tonks had been a virgin before she met him and it was something he wasn't comfortable in telling the healer.

"Very well." The healer took off her specs and rubbed her brow. Suddenly a look of realization dawned on her. "Oh I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier." She got up and reached for the line of drawers against the wall. "Must have been fatigue, making my mind slow…" She mumbled to herself.

She pulled out a huge blue colored file and sat back on the desk. "We keep a magical database of every patient who ever visited us. This file contains Miss Tonks's medical history and treatments she received from our organization."

"Yes I am aware." He nodded. He had spent half of his childhood in the hospital to know at least this much.

She flipped through the thick file. "Ah yes…"

For some reason, Remus's palms were sweating. He was sure so far that Tonks had never been pregnant but the look of mild triumph on the healer's face was unnerving him.

"It's written here… our Gynecologist healer Jessica made a round to Tonks's residence on twenty seven of July, 1997 late at night when Mrs. Andromeda Tonks emergency floo called St Mungo's. It's stated here that her daughter complained of severe abdomen pain, something which Mrs. Tonks couldn't treat herself. It was revealed that Miss Nymphadora Tonks had miscarried due to receiving of a dark jinx. Miss Tonks had been one month pregnant when the miscarriage occurred…"

Remus was pale as a ghost by the time healer had finished and his knees shook horribly. "Oh God…. No…."

The healer had said that Tonks had been one month pregnant… Dumbledore's funeral had been on twenty seven of June and he had spent the night with Dora. Exactly after one month they had fought the battle of seven Potters and he knew Tonks had been mildly injured and had left the Burrow immediately. He had thought it had been because of Mad-eye…

Remus hid his face in his hands. It had been his child, Dora had been carrying… it had been _his_ baby… and he knew nothing about it. Bile rose in his throat the more he thought about it.

"Mr. Lupin are you alright?"

He took a shallow breath and answered in a shaky voice. "It was my baby… it had been my baby…" He kept repeating the words in his head. He didn't look up at healer's expression but almost ran out of her office.

Once outside in the corridor he took deep empty breaths to vanish the feeling of suffocation. It didn't go away.

He was also feeling an acute sense of betrayal. Granted they hadn't been on best term at that moment but he had deserved to know. Tonks told him everything. She should have told him when they had agreed on friendship…

He felt angry, angry with her, angry for not telling him, angry for never telling him about his own baby, angry that she had suffered alone, angry that she had carried such a huge burden all alone…

"Remus? Are you done? My check up is over as well, we just need to talk to the healer now."

He whirled around to look at Tonks, startling her at his abruptness.

"What-?" She started but stopped when she saw the look on his face. "What happened?" She whispered.

Instead of replying, he brushed past her, shrugging her hand off his shoulder.

She kept calling him but he didn't look back.

* * *

><p>He sat on the once rickety roof of the Shrieking Shack which was now as sturdy as it could be- results of Tonks's efforts. His legs dangled off the roof as he stared ahead at the hills, not really seeing them.<p>

He heard heavy footsteps of boots behind him but didn't turn back.

Tonks slowly sat down next to him, a good distance away from the edge. She crossed her legs and kept a hold on his arm. She was scared of heights. Normally, she would have scolded him and would have dragged him away from it.

"I asked Harry to look in the map if you were on the grounds. He found you here." She spoke softly. "The healer said pain was because of a minute swelling near my ribs… must have fallen during the duel…"

She trailed off and left the sentence hanging. It was cool up here and breeze brushed them with more vigor.

When she didn't say anything, he couldn't control it any longer. "Why didn't you tell me?" He spoke harshly and looked at her. Her hair were deep green almost black and she worried her lip between her teeth. She was staring at her lap.

"What-" His voice caught in his throat as he struggled to speak. "-what right do you have to hide such thing from me? What right do you have to not to tell me that you lost my-_our_ baby? What right do you have to suffer alone when I should have been there for you?!"

He looked away as he felt a stinging in his eyes.

"I… found out I was… pregnant two days before the battle." She started quietly. "…I couldn't refuse to join the battle; that would have caused a problem; there would have been shortage of one guard… another one couldn't have been arranged on such a short notice…" She sighed and dropped her head on the back of his shoulder. She sniffed. "Two days… two days all I had of feeling happiness- of feeling sadness, remorse that I was going to be a mother, that… I would have a part of you even when you didn't want me in your life… that's all I got before I lost it… I lost my baby before I could have even comprehended the meaning of it… I was a right mess after that. That's why I made myself scarce around Order especially you because I knew… I would break down completely… and I couldn't afford that at that time…"

"Why Dora? Didn't you think I was deserving of sharing your pain?"

"What that would have changed Remus?"

"I should have been there for you… "

"Had I told you then that I was pregnant… would you really have been happy about it?" She pulled away from him and sought his gaze. "Would you really have wanted that child Remus? You always hated yourself for being a werewolf; you still do… would you have accepted the baby? Because according to you, you could never be a father; as per you any child of yours would be a monster… if anything you would have distanced yourself more from me if that was possible."

He shook his head in uncertainty, aware deep down that she was somewhat correct. He would have been horrified… then why was he hurting? Why was he grieving for the child he didn't even know once existed?

"So you see…" She continued in a wobbly voice when he failed to answer. "It was good wasn't it? That it ended before it even began?"

"No!" he exclaimed as she broke down into sobs. He pushed himself away from the edge so the he was near to her. He hugged her downtrodden form to his chest. He didn't know what he could say. He knew he wouldn't have wanted to have a baby in the first place but he also knew that he wouldn't have wanted the baby to…die once it came into existence. He would have loved the baby- baby who was not only his but also of Dora's.

"Some-sometimes I think my life would have been so different if-if I'd have h-him or h-her. That's why I cried… when I felt Fleur's baby because that could have been me!"

He hid his face in her hair as silent tear dripped from his eyes.

"I don't know what to say… except that it would have been one of the luckiest baby in the world to have you as its mother."

"But-but it would've had you as father as well and not just me as a mother… He would have loved you so much."

"We'll never know Dora… we'll never know. I am so sorry that you had to suffer this all alone…"

They sat there for a long time in each other's embrace, watching as the sun set, grieving for what they could have had.

* * *

><p><em>Give me reviews! Really, are there no rlnt shippers left? I spent a good part of my holidays writing this fic- sort of feel sad to get no feedback :( Tell me if you don't like it and tell me if you like it, please.<em>

_Thanks to BlueSwallow80 for reviewing regularly; also thanks to jessie, remusdora, reader, guest, gypsyfurface for reviewing so far!_


	7. Chapter 7

"We should have more nights like these…" Said Hermione as she took a sip of her drink.

Tonks, Ginny and Hermione sat on the floor of the balcony of the room Tonks was given at Hogwarts. They were having a sort of sleepover, though the only substance to consume was Firewhisky of two kinds- Ogden's and Bilshen's. Bilshen's was expensive and Tonks had stolen two bottles from the Ministry's kitchen.

"Hmmm… boys are a pain in the arse." Ginny spoke with thought, swirling her glass.

Tonks chuckled. "Fed up already Ginny?" She teased.

"Oh he's nice, really." She replied, speaking of Harry. "I love him and he loves me back and all… but sometimes it's nice to be like- just in company of your girlfriends… the way they understand you, boys can't."

"Yeah…" Hermione agreed. "You really can't talk to them about the allure of the famous _Victoria's_ lingerie or expect them to understand the sheer pain, annoyance of bleeding every month!"

"Right! So a toast to the girlfriends!" Tonks picked up her glass and other two followed suit.

"Cheers!"

They were silent for sometime, quietly drinking when Ginny spoke.

"Harry's birthday is coming…"

"Thought of any gift?"

"Umm… was thinking to give him some kind of sex toy…" She looked contemplative.

Tonks snorted.

"Yes so that _you_ can get a present on _his_ birthday." Hermione interjected.

"If you need any help Ginny, tell me. I'll take you to this one nice shop in muggle London… has lots of variety, they do." Tonks told her.

"How do you know about it?" Ginny asked.

"Oh it's Auror Tonks you are talking to, I know everything."

"Have you used any of the toys before? You must have… Aurors are known to be tough- _rough_."

"Are you talking about Aurors in general or about Ron?" Tonks teased.

"Bah! Ron's my brother, please spare me the details!" Ginny yelled placing her hands over her ears.

Hermione simply settled for a mischievous wink to Tonks as an answer.

"So Tonks!" Ginny spoke loudly, keen to change the subject. "Have you ever used one before?"

Tonks sighed and slumped further. "Never…. You know I never really got around to getting so _adventurous_… lack of opportunities."

"How many times have you had sex before?"

Tonks shrugged. "Very few."

"Still…." Hermione probed and exchanged a look with Ginny. "Who was it?" They weren't drunk enough to _not_ to know what they were talking about but were drunk enough to have a loose tongue.

"Remus." Tonks spoke softly; the answer girls had expected.

"How many times?" Ginny repeated.

They had guessed that something physical had happened between Remus and Tonks but they weren't sure if it had been a recurring thing.

"Three…not three _times_ but, three different occasions…"

"When?" Hermione urged softly as Tonks took a huge gulp of her drink, grimacing at the taste.

She stared at the sky and answered: "After Sirius died… I was in hospital. When I was discharged from there, I went straight to Grimmauld. I don't know why I did because I had expected it to be empty… but I found _him_ in the room I often stayed in… he was simply sitting, looking forlorn, so lost… we were both grieving and one thing lead to another… that night- and it seemed a _long_ night- we did it four times."

"You remember the exact number?" Ginny asked. Tonks was almost lying on the floor with just her head leaning against the wall while Ginny and Hermione sat next to her with their knees drawn up, listening intently.

"I remember his _every_ touch Ginny… his every look…" She was more like talking to herself, lost in thoughts. "His every word… that night he told me loved me."

"And then?"

"After Dumbledore's funeral. We held hands at the funeral for strength but it wasn't enough. We ended up in my room above Hog's head… six times that night."

Girl's eyebrows rose in astonishment at the couple's stamina.

"Next?"

"After the funerals of final battle." She gave a self depreciating smile. "It's like we only ended up with each other on funerals and such… He took me to his parent's old cottage… three times that day."

"Why aren't you together then? It seems you seek each other in difficult times."

"Every time I woke up… each of three times, he told me that we couldn't be together. After the final battle I was so hopeful because we had won and I was sure he was going to give in. But when he rejected again, I knew he would _never_ come around. Six of May 1997- was the last time he told me he loved me. It's been more than a year."

The glistening in Tonks's eye was unmistakable.

"Tell us how he was like a lover?" Hermione asked as she started to re-fill their glasses.

"He's… the first time, I mean the first round of love making he is or was- I mean it's been like one year I don't know if he's still the same but then again, he may be because we did it in interval of one year every time and each time it was the same. The first time he makes love he's so possessive like- a bit rough and hard- and it's so hot, he knows what he's doing, he's confident… the best thing is you know, despite everything the best thing is the way he looks at me as if I am the most precious thing in the world…" Tonks sighed and placed her hand above her heart as if trying to calm it. "After first time- once the desperation wears off, he's considerate, I mean not that he's not considerate the first time but after that he takes his time and it's so beautiful and intense…."

"You both have lot of stamina." Ginny commented appraisingly.

"It's the werewolf strength in him I guess… he's ready to go again in minutes. If we stop, it is generally because I tire myself out."

She sighed and sat up. She shook herself as if shaking the memories of him.

"We should go for a foursome sometime." Hermione said ideally taking a gulp of her drink. "It can be me, Ron, you and Remus or Ginny and Harry in place of me and Ron. Or we can try for a sixsome…"

There was a moment of silence before they burst out laughing.

"Sixsome right… it will be like a mini train." Tonks gasped out as she clutched her stomach laughing.

"Ron's my brother!" Ginny interjected again even if she couldn't control her giggle.

"Well then instead of you and Harry, we can ask Charlie and his girlfriend-"

"Charlie's Ron brother-" Ginny interrupted.

"Damn it! There are just so many Weasleys that I forget!"

"We can do like-" Hermione started giggling before she even had her sentence complete. "-exclude the boys, okay and just keep Remus and five girls. Three of us and we can ask Fleur and someone else and it's not like there's lack of libido in Remus's case and we'll all have a part of him…"

"We can ask McGonagall as the sixth person!" Ginny suggested and soon once again they were all in stitches, rolling on the floor laughing.

It was a long time after they were able to control their laughter.

Tonks wiped the tears of mirth and told them: "You girls are fantastic…" All of the earlier despair had vanished from Tonks' face and she was once again her bright and smiling self.

There was a knock on Tonks' door.

"I'll get it." Tonks got and wobbled dangerously as she walked. Soon she had disappeared in her room.

"Who it could be? It's almost two." Hermione asked her redhead friend.

"Who else?" Ginny asked, rhetorically of course; it had to be Remus.

* * *

><p>"Remus?"<p>

"Dora." Remus came inside and shut the door. Leaning against the door, he asked: "I thought I heard laughter." He remarked as he took hold of her hand. "And you have been drinking." He observed.

"Mmm… it's Ginny and Hermione in the balcony, we are having a sleepover of sorts… what are you doing here?" She kept shifting her weight from one foot to another, causing Remus to smile in amusement.

"Didn't see you whole day; thought I'd just check on you."

"But what if I were asleep?"

"But you weren't." He tweaked her nose with his free hand.

She wrinkled her nose and her hair turned blue without her consent. "I am okay. They make me laugh so hard…" She chuckled as if remembering something funny.

"Good for you." He replied, happy to see her smiling after a troublesome week. "I'll leave you to them then. Say them hello from me."

He straightened himself and she moved forward and embraced him. "You are sweet." She told him, rubbing her nose against his neck.

"So I have been told." He chuckled.

She pulled away and frowned. She was a tad drunk. "Who dare tell you that you are sweet? Who's that bitch! It's _my_ right _only_."

"Of course and no one would dare take that away from you." He hugged her back and kissed her ear, causing her to giggle as it tickled her. Remus smirked as he knew her ears were ticklish. Hiding his devilish grin, without any warning he attacked her ribs with his fingers.

She gasped and tried to escape. "N-no p-please!" She laughed as he tickled her. He'd had a hellish day and only one thing could give it a decent end- her laugh.

He pulled away, showing mercy as her face reddened with laughter and her hair turned a bright pink. Ever since he had heard about their baby, he'd had trouble sleeping at nights. Another thing that had been equally troubling him was that she had experienced the whole ordeal alone. He had always known that she had been unhappy with his decision to stay apart because he had always valued her safety above all. But now he was beginning to re-think if it was really worth it. Thinking about every tear she must have cried for their lost baby _alone_, was burning his soul.

"I bloody hate you Lupin, you'll have to pay for this!" She gasped out as she panted.

He simply smiled; cupping the side of her face he gave a long and lingering kiss on her cheek. "I am off and leave you to have fun. Bye Dora."

"Bye." She huffed in mock-annoyance but dropped the pretense as she kissed him on cheek goodnight as well.

* * *

><p>"It was Remus. He said hello." Tonks said as she returned and squatted next to the girls.<p>

"Can we ask one thing?"

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Can you ask _something_ after you just asked how it is like to shag Remus?"

"Humph! Well…" Hermione shifted in her place. "You both are friends… yet I have seen no pair of friends behaving so close. I mean you hug and kiss all the time… he complements you…"

"It's hard to say you are just friends." Ginny finished.

Tonks shrugged. "He's a _special_ friend. We have kind of... lost so much that it's a relief to know we have each other and we take in the other's presence by touch or proximity even if it is just holding hands. It's nice to know that you'll have someone at the end of the day to cuddle or listen to you. I don't remember who started it but… it sort of became a habit and we are comfortable with it." She said last sentence with a tone was finality and they knew it was the most they'll get from her tonight.

The girls knew however that it was more than that. They touched each other like the way they did because it was their reflection of what they _could_ have been.

* * *

><p>"This or this?" Tonks asked her dear friend Remus with a hanger in each hand. On one hanger was a crop top and other hanger was a tube top.<p>

Remus Lupin who was sitting on the edge of her bed observed both the tops. "So, either we get to see your shoulder blades or we get to see your midriff. Don't you have something that covers both?" He asked raising his eyebrow.

Tonks took out the hanger from on top and threw at him. "Don't be such a prude. Tell me which one."

"That one." He replied pointing to the gold sequined crop top.

"Are you sure this won't be too much…"

"Look who's asking that!"

"Why are you being mean today!" She took out the hanger of other top and threw that at him as well. It hit him square in the forehead.

"Ow! I'd like to go out without a bruise if you will Tonks." He replied rubbing the spot. "What will you wear with it?"

"This." She replied pointing to a small black skirt.

"Really? Why wear anything? You idiot you'll freeze."

"It's August."

"It's windy."

She stuck her tongue out at him. Throwing the now decided outfit at side, she flipped open her bathrobe.

"Really Tonks!" He exclaimed and slapped his hands on his eyes.

"What? I am wearing my underwear!" She cried indignantly.

"I'd like a warning still…" He replied shakily, his heart beating faster. The image of Tonks clad in little pink bra and knickers, burning on his retinas.

She sniggered as he heard rustle of clothes. Only Tonks, _only Tonks_ would decide to get ready with an audience.

"It isn't as if you have seen anything _remotely_ like this in past one year other than those sultry naked models in play wizard."

"Shut up. And I don't own a single play wizard. It was Charlie's, I accidentally just happened to trip on it."

"Yeah right…"

Against his better judgment, he took a tiny peek from between his fingers. The scene made him sweat instantly.

Her now pink bra and knickers were discarded on side; Merlin the nerve of this girl- she didn't feel any hesitation in even changing her underwear in front of him. However, fortunately or unfortunately- she stood with her back to him and had worn now nude colored knickers. Currently she was in the process of wearing the matching bra.

_Close your eyes you Old perv; she's your friend!_ He admonished himself. _Yeah the same friend who I have slept with numerous time._ His heart raced as various images of her naked self raced his mind.

After wearing her bra, she faced him. He feasted on her slender yet curvy in right places figure as she fiddled with her top.

As she wore it, he finally closed his eyes knowing he couldn't have more.

"Look at you Remus Lupin… visiting a disco in this age." She teased.

"What do you mean by this age?" He asked with warning in his tone.

"I mean you are forty- you can open your eyes now by the way."

"I am thirty nine and-and I have still got that werewolf charm you know." He replied defensively as he opened his eyes. "Many women find that attractive, I'll show you tonight."

"Don't you dare eye even a _single_ woman Lupin." She narrowed her eyes and glared at him. Instead of looking frightening, she looked adorable.

"You don't have monopoly over me you know." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Watch me! I will be hanging on your arm for whole night then. Just as a precaution." She turned around and grabbed a lipstick.

He smirked and got up. Searching in his pocket he pulled out a delicate chain. She was busy in wearing some bangles when she felt his hands on her neck.

"What's this?" She whispered, looking surprised.

"I found this in a shop and immediately thought of you… I thought it would look better on your neck than on that showcase."

"You shouldn't have." She was awed. "It's not even my birthday." She touched the tiny gold butterfly which was budded with diamonds.

"All the boys went with George; he'd had to buy a ring for Angelina. I saw this and first time in my life Dora I didn't even flinch when the shopkeeper told me its price. I have never brought something so expensive before and I am glad I bought it for you."

"You are so…" She looked lost for words as she looked on at her new jewellery.

He sighed and placed his hands on her waist, his thumb brushing her bare skin."I hope it's good whatever it is I am."

She grinned. "The best."

For a moment they just looked at their images in the mirror. She averted her eyes and it landed on her head.

"What color should I go for?"

"Your natural one."

She wrinkled her nose. "Nope."

"You are silly if you think it's not cool. It suits you best. Come on Dora, look at me almost all hairs are grayed."

"It suits you."

"Says you and I believe you; so you gotta believe me too. Trust me, you look beautiful."

After a long moment of contemplation, she dropped her morph of green hair.

"See? Beautiful." He smiled. "Let's go." He picked up her wand and jacket from the bed before she could change her mind further.

* * *

><p>"So who's paying tonight!" Tonks asked loudly as she, true to her words, hugged Remus's one arm in her both.<p>

Their group was walking on the pavement near the disco. They had apparated in a secluded spot and the disco from there was at ten minutes walking distance. He hadn't wanted to go but Tonks wanted to and when _Tonks_ wanted something she got it; her condition had been that Remus had to accompany them.

"George!" "Charlie!" "Harry!" All men chorused at the same time, taking names other than theirs.

"I say George pays." Hermione said from front. She was leading their way with Ron by her side.

"Yes it's his wedding in few days." Said Charlie who was back from Romania for few days. With him was his girlfriend Romi. Also accompanying them was one of their friends named Marshall.

"Excuse me I don't have a single penny in my pocket, I knew something like this would happen; you all will try to rob me under the pretense of wedding celebrations."

"Percy has Penny." Ginny sniggered, referring to his brother's girlfriend Penelope. Percy was out of town.

"Bad pun Ginny."

"I'll pay, I mean it's not as if I am lacking or something, you guys can have whatever you want, don't worry about payment." Marshall the blonde said cockily, grinning and showing his pearly white teeth.

"That's fantastic Marshall." Charlie immediately agreed, secretly winking at George. Who were they to decline if someone was so generous?

Marshall increased his pace so that he was next to Tonks. "Tonks right?" He asked her, brushing off his bangs in style. "You look smashing."

Before Tonks could have replied, Remus responded stiffly. "Yes she does." He exchanged his position with Tonks so that he was in between. He held her waist possessively, making Marshall's grin falter. Normally he wasn't like this but he didn't like Marshall even if he had known the man only for ten minutes.

Tonks gave Remus an amused smile and bent her head so she was looking at Marshall. "Thanks _Marsh_. You look dashing yourself." She was trying to irritate Remus, he knew it.

Marshall looked proud but before his grin could stretch further Remus spoke up. "And I am Remus Lupin; you might have heard my name few years ago, probably in Newspaper, I have held the title for being a notorious and infamous werewolf for a long time."

Marshall paled. He could see others trying to curb their laughter.

"Uh well hello." He stuttered and let him walk so that he was left behind in safety of his friend.

"You are so mean." Tonks whispered to him with wide eyes.

"This is the second time you have told me in a day."

"You are trying to be wicked Lupin."

"Guys we are here!" Hermione screamed and others cheered. Their happiness was contagious.

The disco was clearly in the most bustling part of the city, packed with youngsters. He consciously tugged the lapel of his jacket as he saw handsome and youthful men around him.

"You look sexy Remus." A voice whispered reassuringly in his ear. "Werewolf charm, remember?"

He breathed a sigh of relief that she was there.

As they entered the premises a blast of loud music hit them; he could almost feel the vibration of music on his skin. The place was packed with people, many on dance floor, few on the bar, few on the couches and few even making out rather enthusiastically. Despite being so crowded, the air was cool; _muggle air conditioners,_ he thought.

Within minutes all the couples with them separated. Harry and Ginny made a beeline for the bar as George and Angelina went straight for the dance floor. Ron and Hermione decided to sit for a while, taking in the surroundings. Charlie and Romi went to dance as well though they were in the opposite direction to George. Marshall without partner, went in search for any single girl.

And thus, at the end were left Remus and Tonks standing somewhere in between.

"What do you suggest we do now?" He asked loudly, his lips near her ear.

"Dance!" She shouted.

"I don't dance!" He shouted back, shielding her as someone pushed her aside.

"You will, not fair Remus, come on first grab a drink maybe it will loosen you up!"

At the bar Tonks forced him to drink something really vile of orange color which left an unpleasant tingle in his mouth.

"Keep drinking until you forget that you don't want to dance!" She said to him, already swaying with the loud tone.

"If I kept drinking this, I'll forget I don't want to dance because I won't remain conscious. It's vile!"

"It's wild!" She screamed.

She took hold of his hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

It was so packed that they were forced to stand close, too close, almost flush against each other, which wasn't new of course but what was new that he could feel Tonks' jiggling curves against his body as she threw her arms around his neck and his hands settled on her hips.

Often she would scream as another song would start, leaving him deaf.

He didn't dance just merely kept shifting his weight from one foot to another. Tonks was already dancing for two people.

After half an hour he was almost panting while Tonks' energy level had yet to go down. "Aren't you tired?"

"Tired? I am going to do this whole night!"

He was about to reply when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Turning around he saw a young man in- _in tie and shirt_? Who wears a tie and a shirt at disco, he thought.

"Can I borrow your partner for a dance?" he asked with a humble grin.

Remus looked at Tonks; she looked surprise. When she did a double take of his clothing as well, he elaborated:

"Ah I think I sort of look silly in these clothes, but well I just went for a job interview and well got selected, my friends dragged me straight here, didn't even gave time to change. So dance?"

He seemed…fine. So Remus just looked at Tonks and told her: "Go ahead, I am tired anyway." He let go of her and shifted aside to let the man take over.

She looked shocked or hurt he didn't really see.

He sipped his mild drink at the bar and searched for Tonks and her dance partner. He hadn't been able to see them for minutes and few not so pleasant thoughts have entered his mind. However after another round of trying hard, he found them dancing in the corner of the dance floor. Unlike him, it seemed this man liked to dance. What made him uncomfortable was the way he was holding Tonks's hand as he spun her around or the way he was chatting her up or the way they were smiling and laughing… she seemed to be enjoying herself.

_Well good for her,_ he thought bitterly.

If he couldn't, at least others had the ability to enjoy, he was too damaged to be happy anyway.

* * *

><p><em>AN- Reviews- SO MANY- reviews made me very happy! :D _

_Thanks to **guest, DerangedDynamic, BlueSwallow80, dftbamda, It'sSoRonksIt'sRight, gypsyfurface, remusdora** for lovely reviews._

_One of the readers asked why healer asked Remus about miscarriage instead of Tonks and then why proceeded to tell him in great detail about it. Well it was a matter of coincidence really. Tonks tells healer in the beginning that Remus is close to her so healer naturally assumed that he must know most things about her. She decided to ask him because he just happened to be free at that time as Tonks was having her check up. The healer would have asked other things as well(for reference) but they got stuck on the miscarriage part. The healer doesn't' checks her history the first time because she wanted to know first hand plus also if you remember, she later says to herself after she realizes her mistake that why she didn't think of looking in to her file initially, 'must have been fatigue making my mind slow' she says. Then she tells him in detail because he was sort of adamant that their observations were wrong- the healer felt defensive you know- and it sort of was turning into an argument, so therefore, to clear her point, she tells him the whole description, that's it!_

_It is nothing significant actually; Remus had to discover this in some way and it came out like this. Hope this clarifies your doubt. _

_Thanks for reading :)_


	8. Chapter 8

"He was one funny man; muggles are funny." Tonks was saying as she leant heavily on Remus on their way back. They were walking far ahead of everyone or maybe they were least drunk among all, and their pace was normal while same couldn't be said about others. The others were walking with a turtle's pace and would often stop walking all together. _Apparition is not safe_, he decided. He'd have to use the emergency portkey.

"He even gave me his number, telephone number." She pulled out a piece of muggle paper from the waist band of her skirt. "I'd have to show this to Arthur. It's ingenious isn't it that you just pick on these numbers at those telephone booths and they'll connect you to the other. Wizards should take inspiration from these. Imagine Remus… like if you are worried about me, you'll have to just dial me and we can have a quick conversation or even a long one… it costs though." She was babbling, a touch drunk but he was barely listening. His eyes were trying to burn a hole on that paper.

"He said he asked me to dance because I looked bored and wanted to show me how it was to _actually_ have fun in disco. Ha! I mean if only he knew I was a _witch_…"

"You had fun."

"Hmmm… You should have joined us. I mean that's what we are trying to do, getting to know muggles. And you are a muggle studies teacher; you'd have known what they were talking about."

"Well it was necessary that _you_ understood him, what I'd do there? Be a third wheel?" He asked bitterly, staring ahead.

She furrowed her brow. "Not fair Lupin. You deposited me to another person because you were tired. I didn't ask you to leave."

"He kissed your cheek."

"That's the courteous thing to do right?" She replied and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. "I kissed you as well."

"I'd like to think there's difference between you getting touchy-feely with _him_ and you getting touchy-feely with _me_."

"There is." She nodded.

He sighed. "I am sorry. I am being an arse. He seemed a nice guy. You should try to know him better. Yes he's a muggle and it might create complications but you'll cross that bridge when it comes."

"Hold on." She stopped him in his tracks. Her skimpy clothing didn't protect her from the cold night therefore he had draped his jacket over her. "What bridge are you talking about?"

"He… likes you, that's why he gave you your number. You enjoyed his company; you can learn to like him. You must give it a try."

"Give what a try?" Her fists clenched and she grounded her teeth.

"Stop playing dumb Dora, it doesn't suit you."

"No tell me. What it is I should give a try."

"Go out with him." He snapped.

"As on a date?"

"Yes on a _date_. And then if you like go on a second date, third date and so on."

She glared at him for one long moment and then spat. "Fuck you Lupin." She stormed off.

"Wait." He caught up with her and grabbed her wrist.

"What? Just leave me alone or you might not be left with any bones intact in your body savior martyr Lupin." She growled.

"Stop saying my surname okay? And-and don't take it in a wrong way. I am not asking you to-to m-marry him or something just go out on a date."

"You promised me-"

"Yes I did. But I am also your friend, best friend; I want what is best for you. I want you to be happy."

"If you really think my happiness might be in some random stranger I don't think you really are my best friend!"

He gaped at her. "That's uncalled for." He warned.

"You know where my happiness is."

"No, you _think_ you know where your happiness is and I know that there isn't where your happiness is. Leave me Dora, stop clinging to me; your life is not supposed to be with me… there's-there's no hope here. I am never going to say yes." His voice dropped to a whisper and his heart clenched painfully as he forced out those words. She wasn't the only one doing the clinging. He clung to her as well. His life dependent on her but he wouldn't let that stop her from being happy.

Tears swam her eyes. "Dora…" Far away he heard Ron laugh at something.

"No you listen to me." Her voice shook and she looked furious. "I'd never ever suggest you to even look at a woman, let alone ask you to go out with her. You know why? Because I love you."

He closed his eyes. It had been more than a year since these words were exchanged between them. He should have known that it was only a matter of time before these words would be out again.

"But I guess I have been wrong about you all along. No man who loves a woman would ever willingly push her to another man. It's way too easy for you to do so."

"That's not true, you know it. You think it doesn't hurts me to say it you?" His breath caught in his throat. How he ever managed to say these things to her only his heart knew. His every vein hurt whenever he thought about her being with someone else. He also knew what her being with another man would mean. No one man would ever tolerate the kind of friendship he had with Dora. At the end, he would be left alone, without any piece of her. Yet he was willing to sacrifice his peace, his happiness for her sake. It was because he loved her like mad not because he didn't love her enough. It was twisted but it was love.

His heart ache as she started to move and made to cross the road.

"It's true. And you know what? I am done settling for your crumbs."

"My crumbs?" He asked in astonishment. "I never wanted-"

"Yes your _crumbs_!" She hissed as she turned around, throwing his jacket on the road in a fit of rage. "I can kiss your cheeks but I can't kiss your lips, no matter how badly I want. I can tell you that you are my best friend and you mean so much to me but I can never truly tell you that I love you, no much how I want to because you won't let me! I can sleep with you after I have had a bad day but I can't actually make love to you no matter how badly I long for you! I can go out with you with our friends, hang around you whole evening but you can't attend a ball as my date. I can keep my heart on my sleeves to show just how much I love you but that doesn't stop you from sending me off to another guy. I can wear your _necklace_ but I can't have your _ring_! This is called settling for crumbs."

"You know I would if I could." He called out to stop her; desperate for her to understand as her every single word pierced his heart.

She again turned around but this time the look of fierceness was replaced by a look of wretchedness. "It's not that you can't … it's that you won't. You don't want to bear the baggage of ever seeing me sad, you are too afraid. Why else would you run? War is over, people respect you, you have a job… but you are afraid that if you actually allow me too close I might see the werewolf that lingers beneath you, I might see how badly moon affects your life. But you know what? I have already seen it. If there's another person who knows what's like being Remus Lupin and a Werewolf at the same time, it's me. And it had not deterred me."

"Come back." He extended his palm towards her and called her to him. "Come back here, and-and we-we can talk. Come here." Her every word had picked a nerve. "Give me a chance." A _second_ chance. "I want to explain myself." He had no idea what he'd do if she decided not to ever talk to him.

She shook her head as tears slipped from her eyes. "No." She replied in a thick voice. "I am done talking. And I know now, that you don't love me like I do, you don't love me enough."

_No, please don't say that_. He clenched his eyes shut and opened them. He looked at her looking broken and just so sure that he didn't love her as much. Tears clouded his vision "Dora, my sweetheart, I do Lo-"

But before he could have completed the sentence, before he could have even finished the word 'love', a huge muggle car rounded from the corner with great speed. Their eyes grew huge as they realized it only too late; she had been standing just near the corner in the middle of the road that they didn't see it coming. A scream of her name tore his throat as he stared in horror as the car hit her, giving them entirely too less time to react. She flew like a rag doll and was thrown back on the road far away, blood immediately splattering the street.

"DORA!" He screamed again and ran towards her. "Hey!" He shouted at the car which had hit her but didn't waste time in chasing it. He ran to Tonks who was lying in the pool of her own blood, her leg twisted at an odd angle, her face unrecognizable with blood.

"Merlin no Dora please, please love…" He crouched next to her, her blood seeping his clothes. "HELP!" He screamed; his brain was shutting down. He didn't know what to do, where to touch her. She was taking shallow breaths and wasn't responding to his calls. "Dora, Dora no…" Tears spilled his eyes helplessly.

Ron and Harry were there next to him within seconds and he heard others running towards them as well.

"Do something." He asked Harry in desperation. "Do something! DO SOMETHING! SHE'LL DIE." He screamed shaking his lapel as he approached.

"CALM DOWN Remus! We'll get her, don't worry."

"Oh god." They heard Hermione as she took a look at Tonks. Springing to action, she started issuing orders. "Ginny- the blood staunching spell on her head. Angelina- the heart stabilization spell. Harry get the portkey for St Mungo's."

They immediately obeyed her, the girls waving their wand over his beloved injured Dora.

"Remus, portkey!" Harry asked urgently.

"Port-portkey?" Where was the portkey? It had been in his jacket. "Jacket…"

"Jacket? Where's your jacket?"

"Harry it was on the road, here-" Ron replied thrusting the garment in his lap.

"Hermione ready?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He took the old rusty key initially meant for Hogwarts, and spelled it to send them to St Mungo's. "Hermione and Ron, take Tonks with this Portkey. Others, apparate, I'll bring Remus. Charlie- take care of the car."

Within seconds, Ron and Hermione had vanished, clutching the bloodied Tonks in between them.

"Harry, Dora…" He looked hopelessly at the boy. He knew something was about to go _terribly_ wrong…

"Remus, she's going to be okay." Harry forced him to look in his bright green eyes. They heard others apparating around them. "You need to be strong, be strong for Dora. Okay?"

"She thinks I don't love her…"

"Then you'll tell her. You'll tell her, when she wakes up. And-and she'll wake up and she's going to laugh at us for being worrywarts. Okay just get a hold on yourself. I am apparating you."

With Tonks's blood stains on his cloth, they apparated with a crack.

Later Remus wouldn't even remember taking a breath. All he knew was that each single second was painful as they waited for the healers to tell them something, anything. Harry had forced him onto the bench in front of the room Tonks was being treated in and their other friends had gathered around them though he couldn't tell with clarity who were they. He only sought Harry who continuously gripped his shoulder and Andromeda, who just as anguished, was the only one probably who felt the pain just as much as he was feeling.

Hours later, the door burst open and a man in lime green robes stepped out. Remus who had been inactive so far, sprang into action and stopped the healer in tracks. Others gathered around him, listening.

"How's-how's she? She is going to be okay right?"

Healer opened his mouth, looking flustered at sudden onslaught of questions.

"Tell me damn it!"

"Remus, calm down." Hermione spoke loudly. "Healer Green, we are friends' of Auror Tonks, is she going to be okay?"

The healer at Hermione's much gentler yet urgent tone, responded. "We can't say yet."

"What do you mean?" Remus whispered, his voice catching in throat.

"The preliminary spells you performed on her and her fast arrival here definitely helped… we are trying our hardest. But it is still too early to say."

"Will she… is there a chance that she might not survive?" Ginny framed the question as her voice quivered, the question he was too horror stricken to ask.

"I don't want to give false hope but yes there's a chance; how much chance though, we can't say yet." The healer nodded to them and walked away.

Remus's knees gave away and he slumped to the floor.

"Remus he said it's way too early, don't give up now. There's a good chance that she's going to be alright." Harry told him, crouching next to him.

Remus shook his head. "No… I am _jinxed_ Harry… everyone close to me end up being d-d-dead… it was only a matter of time before…. I am a monster… Oh Dora…" He squeezed his eyes and bowed his head.

"She'll be right angry if she heard you saying that Remus." Came Andromeda's strong voice. He looked up to see her kneeling beside him. "Our Dora is strong. She won't give up fighting. We need to have faith on her. She has people worth fighting for."

"What if she thinks… what if… she thinks she does not have anything worth living… she-she said… she said that she thinks I don't love her enough. What if she wants to give up?"

Andromeda was white faced when she replied. "Nonsense. She thinks the world of you. If she said that… well she's a fierce girl, often says things she doesn't mean. And about you loving her, well she has more faith on your love than she has on anything. I am her mother, and a mother always knows." She squeezed his arm. "Get up Remus; we have a long night ahead of us."

Andromeda's word gave him enough strength to pull himself up and to sit on the bench. Their friends surrounded them on the unoccupied seats, the whole corridor accommodating the people who loved Dora, waiting for her.

* * *

><p>"It's not your fault." A soft voice spoke from next to him.<p>

He had been sitting on that bench for what felt like an eternity, with his hands folded in his lap and his gaze fixed on them. He was struggling with each second, thinking how much in pain Dora would be, how alone she was right now. Every moment he had ever spent with her, every good and bad thing he had ever said to her were flashing to his mind like a slideshow. Therefore he was startled from his troubled musings by the voice he recognized that of Andromeda's.

He couldn't bring it in himself to look in her eyes though. "How can you say?" His voice was hoarse with tears. "I have done nothing but hurt your daughter. You should hate me… Dora should hate me."

"But she doesn't."She stressed and silently he was thankful for her talking to him when she was suffering equally. "She loves you and you are her strength."

"Am I really?" He looked up to see in the face of the woman who had lost everything to the war including her husband and was now on the verge of losing her daughter. "I feel like I have done nothing but weaken her. Andromeda- your daughter loves me despite of every hurt I have ever caused her. How, just how can someone be so strong? And look at me? I am such a coward that I wasn't able to fight my own demons to be with her." He looked away as yet again tears slipped his eyes. He was missing her so much and just the thought of… her not recovering… was killing him from inside. "She's younger than me, but way too wiser than me."

"She has always respected you for… your sacrificial nature you know. Even if she never said, she loves you a little more because of your noble nature. She knows how much it hurts you to push her away."

He sighed. "Such sacrifices… are of no use if they endanger her life. I just don't know what I'd do if something happened to her… I just want a _chance_ to- to make her happy." He felt shame in even asking for such a thing after all the chances he'd been given and he had wasted.

"You do make her happy."

He gave a mirthless laugh, full of bitterness. "I can't think of another person who had made her less happy… she lost our baby and… and didn't breathe a word of it to anyone."

"You know about it?" She looked uncertain and her voice was feeble.

"I found out. Doesn't matter. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. And right now, she's suffering all alone."

"She's going to be okay. My daughter is a headstrong woman."

"One of the many reasons I love her so much." He croaked out and leant forward with his elbows on his knees. He clutched her hair in his fist as her last words came back to him, about her thinking that he didn't love her enough.

And hence began the vigil.

* * *

><p><em>Hello everyone!<em>

_One of the readers said in a review that it seemed stereotypical when all women are with Fleur and discussing her pregnancy, that it seemed as if all women are baby and pregnancy obsessed but men are not._

_My views? I think that there is very little info available in the chapter to say that it was stereotypical but I will try to answer your question one by one._

_Molly and Minevra are not 'gushing' over the baby-bump, but they are wearing knowing smile when Fleur talks about the baby because they have been there. I don't think their smiling over Fleur's description labels them as overly-materialistic. It's Molly's first grandchild and she is happier._

_About Tonks, as you said, there was an explanation for that._

_Now about Angelina- we weren't told much about her in the books. But does that means that she wouldn't like babies in general? The most we know about her is that she loved Quidditch; now to say that every sportswoman is tough and lacks feminine side- now that would be stereotyping._

_As for Ginny- It's her brother's baby- nephew/niece. I think she will be excited especially since the background idea here for me was that after war Fleur and Ginny made up quite nicely._

_Now Hermione- I'll say that she is a curious lady. She always has been. The assumption that I took here was that this was the first time Ginny, Hermione and Angelina were meeting a pregnant woman- and I don't mean someone in just passing but a woman who is of their family of sorts. So they are excited, because pregnancy is naturally a very fascinating process/concept. I don't think that them being excited about their friend's pregnancy is stereotypical especially if they are seeing that friend after six months._

_Now coming to next part, where you feel that as if men don't care about such stuff. Firstly, I'll convey my personal opinion. I think men in general are more in awe about this whole concept than women, so I don't think at all that men are less caring about such stuff, because I have seen men around me being more affectionate to babies. Therefore, I won't argue that they try to maintain their 'manly image'._

_Now coming to the story. Why the boys weren't looking excited? Can you imagine Ron, George, Harry and Remus sitting next to Fleur with their palms on her stomach? I am sorry but that image made me laugh! I mean, I don't think that would look appropriate would it? If it does look appropriate then I am sorry, I made a mistake. I just felt the boys weren't as close to Fleur as were the girls. In future I can imagine Harry feeling Hermione's baby bump and Ron feeling Ginny's because they are close- best friends and have strong sister/brother relationship._

_Now then why does it look that boys aren't excited? Simple answer is because this chapter is in Remus' POV. What is going inside other boy's head he wouldn't know until he observes for it. And as clearly said, during all this Remus was quite fixated on Tonks. For all we know, Harry who is sitting beside Remus is teary-eyed because maybe he is thinking about his mother when she would have been pregnant with Harry. George is standing behind Remus, for all we know, he is dying to feel the baby himself and maybe later, he does so. Ron? The line in the chapter is: We should take a picture of them." Ron spoke, looking fondly at his FAMILY. He is looking at his family with a fond expression and his family includes Fleur as well. So I think his happiness shows as well._

_As to why Remus isn't like that when this is in his POV, it is because as I said, he is quite focused on Tonks whole time._

_I promise you that Ginny and Hermione won't be like that with any stranger woman- atleast not in my fics. They won't be like they cross the path of a pregnant woman and they go- "OH look a pregnant woman, let's go and fawn over her." Since it is Fleur, it is different._

_And now that I look behind I think I can understand what else might bother you. At one place when Tonks enters the party, Ginny and Hermione are quick to comment on her hair while Ron and Harry couldn't care less? Well I am sorry but I simply can't imagine Ron and Harry admiring a girl's bun or braid but they do think that Tonks looked pretty._

_I hope this clears your doubt a bit. If not, I welcome more questions._

_Thanks for reading and thanks for everyone who reviewed. _


	9. Chapter 9

When the early morning rays filtered through the translucent windows of St Mungo's corridor, signaling the beginning of a new day, their world caved in.

A healer, this time a lady, came out boring a very somber expression.

"Are you all here for Miss Tonks?" She asked looking around.

Just as Remus got up, Harry answered in affirmative.

"Anyone from her family present here?"

"Yes her mother Andromeda Tonks and Remus." Harry answered, urging him forward towards the healer who didn't inquire what Remus was to Tonks.

"What has happened?" Andromeda asked, dread filling them all.

The healer rubbed her forehead and replied: "I am going to be honest about this… Miss Tonks has suffered severe injuries… there are numerous complications. There's only so much magic and potions can do." The healer stopped and hesitated.

"What are you saying?" Remus asked very apprehensively. He had been never more scared in his life.

"I am sorry but we are not sure she'll make it."

Several gasps were heard and Remus's heart almost stopped. He stared pale faced at the healer, his ears ringing. He gripped Harry's hand tightly and was barely aware of Harry's grip on his arm. Beside him Andromeda wobbled on her feat though she was caught by Molly.

"Mr. Lupin… there are too many injuries in her brain and her heart is barely beating… I'll- we'll… give it twenty four hours. If she makes through it, well then, there's a good chance that she'll recover but… the chances that she will make through the day are very slim."

The first thing he realized was that tomorrow exactly at this time, either his world will have a new beginning or his world will come to an end.

"I want to see her." He breathed out. Dora's mother was next to him, maybe she had more right over seeing her daughter than he had but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"She's not conscious, it's no use…" the healer told him cautiously.

"I don't care. I want to see her."

"Please healer." Harry requested.

The healer nodded reluctantly. "Would you like to accompany too?" The healer questioned Andromeda who nodded stiffly.

They had him and Andromeda cover in thick robes made of plastic like material so that everything other than their face was covered. They then handed them masks to put on their face such that only their eyes were visible.

"To avoid infection we have surrounded her with transparent curtains. You'll be only able to see her through them."

They nodded. With his heart in his throat, he slipped inside the room.

Immediately the typical hospital smell hit his nose. The healer drew the green colored thick curtain aside to let them enter. He followed Andromeda and the scene made his insides curl and knees week.

She was laid on the bed, covered with thick white covers, only her head in sight. Her head was wrapped in white bandages with very little of her face visible… and whatever face was visible was barely recognizable. Her one eye was blackened, her lip was swollen and there was another bruise forming on her cheek. Her chest was barely moving.

He walked as close as he could to the transparent curtains.

He so _badly_ wanted to reach out for her. His Dora who had been laughing so hard last night, who had teased him, who had danced with him jovially, now was lying so still… on the verge of death. He swallowed. And blinked back his tears.

He was very aware that this might be the last time he was seeing her alive.

"Dora…" He whispered so quietly even he couldn't hear his own voice. "I love you… please come back… give me one last chance. Forgive me… please come back to me…. My world will be nothing without you. If you die- I'll die…."

He stood there for a long time, staring at her bruised face, barely aware of Andromeda's unstable hand on his arm. He could only imagine how she was feeling.

"Mr. Lupin, Mrs. Tonks. We need to leave. The healers need to check on her." The healer urged them in soft voice.

Just as they were about to walk away from her, he turned one last time and at that moment, knew one thing for sure.

If something happened to her, his life would come to an end.

* * *

><p>"Remus." Hermione sat next to him and touched his arm. He looked up to see Harry standing in front of him as well. "You need to drink this."<p>

"Wolfsbane." Harry told him.

_Right_. The full moon was tonight.

"Full moon…" He whispered to himself, dread filling him up. How can he transform, how can he leave her when she might… _die_ at the time he was in his werewolf form.

He took the smoking goblet from her hand, not questioning who had brought it. His hands shook violently but he was eager to drink so that the bitter taste would prevent him from thinking.

"You'll have to leave before sun sets."

"How can I?!" The cry tore from his throat, startling others. "The healers have said that she won't survive the next twenty four hours, do you realize that those twenty four hours will end at sunrise? Meaning the moment I'll turn back to a human, my Dora might already be dead? How can I leave not knowing what will happen? What if she dies when I am not here?" with that he broke down into sobs. He felt Hermione's arm around him as she shook with tears as well.

"Harry do something. Can't we do something?" She was saying in a thick voice which barely reached his ears.

Instead of Harry's reply he felt his hand on his shoulder.

"I-I-" he started to say but words came with difficulty. "I have made her so unhappy… ever since she met me all I have done is hurt her but she never complained. I leave her to join underground when she needs me, I make her so unhappy that she loses her ability to morph, I reject her again and she says nothing. She loses our baby and doesn't breath a word of it, suffers all alone…" He mumbled to himself as his pain reached beyond despair. Harry and Hermione exchanged astonished glances over his head. "And now… it was my fault she got hit! She got angry with me and-and…" He broke down again as the vision of her flying in the air entered his mind. Her shocked expression had been burned on his retinas.

"So there's just one thing now… if there's a god, an almighty then I pray… that-that if-if she has-has to g-go, then she goes now… she goes now in front of me… so that the pain is so-so much that I don't survive my first transformation… and-and if she dies when I am transformed then… I hope I don't survive my second transformation. I don't want to be a human in the world my-my Dora isn't present."

"Remus-no! How can you give up now after everything you have been through in your life-"

"Harry you don't get it! She's my life; without her I won't be of any use, my life won't be of any use… there's nothing I can do without her." His heart ached so badly. Yesterday when he had been putting the necklace on her, he hadn't had a single clue…

He wiped his tears as they stared at him helplessly. "Where do I have to transform? I'll have to go back to Shrieking Shack…" His face scrunched in pain as he remembered that now shrieking Shack was one of the most beautiful dwellings in Scotland because of Dora.

"Mr. Lupin?" He looked up to see Healer Green watching him nervously.

"Don't worry I'll leave the hospital well before moonrise. I wouldn't endanger-"

"No, no that's not what I wanted to ask. We have a basement here for the newly bitten werewolves to go through their transformations, if need be. It is vacant this month. You can transform there- you needn't go to Hogwarts for that. That way you'll be near to Miss Tonks."

He looked gratefully at the healer. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>"Remus it's time."<p>

Remus looked up from his lap. Others have gathered around him, all with sad faces.

He got up stiffly and sought Harry. He had remained with him throughout the whole ordeal and hadn't even had a single cup of tea since then. Not only Harry, but others as well. He was grateful for everyone.

"Promise me Harry- as soon as I transform back, no matter if I am bruised or hurt or bleeding- you'll bring me here first thing… if I am alive that is."

Harry winced and therefore he urged again.

"Promise me Harry." He shook his shoulders.

"I Promise." It wasn't Harry who had replied though. It was Severus Snape who had been lurking in the corner until now.

He strode forward and looked him straight in the eye. "I have a portkey with explicit permission from the Hospital, which will bring you right on this floor- you won't have to waste time in taking elevators or walking stairs. I promise that as soon as you are back to your human self, I'll bring you first thing here without even giving you time to clothe yourself."

He nodded at him in thanks.

Before moving out he limped to the door Tonks was in. He wouldn't be allowed in, now that full moon was so near. But he just closed his eyes and dropped his forehead on the door.

"Be safe my Dora. I love you." He whispered.

He straightened and steeled himself.

"Let's go."

* * *

><p>The transformation was the most painful he could ever remember it being. His human self tried to hold onto image of Dora's beautiful smiling face but the image of her bloodied and bruised face kept coming back to him. The result was that his human self fought subconsciously and werewolf self tried to conquer, prolonging the transformation.<p>

When finally it was over, he was conscious barely for three seconds when his world went black.

* * *

><p>He heard the sound of heavy iron gates swinging open, as he took shallow breaths. Someone waved their wands and he was instantly clothed.<p>

"Hold on." He heard the grave voice and someone caught his hand. Seconds later he felt a tug at his navel and felt himself transporting.

He struggled to get up as sound of various '_Remus_!' reached him.

"Dora… how's she…is she…" He finally got on his feet and caught hold of the first person he could reach. It was Ginny. "Dora…"

"She made it Remus! Tonks made it! She's going to be fine!" she beamed at him.

"What?" He felt light-headed and couldn't believe it. After giving up all hope, he hadn't expected this news to reach his ears. He looked around and saw all beaming faces around him. He caught Andromeda's eyes and she nodded.

"Our Dora made it; healers noted a huge improvement in her few hours ago. Her heartbeat is normal; it will take a while but she'll recover."

Slowly a huge grin stretched his lips. He smiled widely and a small laugh escaped his mouth. He wasn't sure he had smiled this wide in his life.

He was relieved. Merlin he was _beyond_ relieved. He was so relieved that he promptly fainted.

* * *

><p>Harry was completely overwhelmed with the roller coaster ride they'd had in past whole day.<p>

They all had been so joyous, had been laughing and suddenly they had heard Remus's scream only to see Tonks knocked down by a car. He had acted quick, had stunned the tires of the vehicle which he realized might not have been a good idea because the car had been in great speed and it had the potential of causing accident. Thankfully nothing happened of the sorts.

He was sort of proud about the way they had handled situation quickly, though he prayed they never had to go through this again.

In the hospital each second had been difficult knowing that the woman who had come to mean so much to them, can lose her life. And being with Remus throughout had been the most wretched experience. It had pained him to see him broken and hopeless. Remus Lupin was a man who despite having a hell of a life had never gave up. But seeing Tonks in this way had sapped his will to fight all at once.

And he could sort of relate to him. If something like this ever happened with Ginny… he shuddered.

Their real wait had begun when the full moon had come up. Knowing that time of happening… something big….was very close.

But they all had been astonished, amazed when a grinning Healer Green had emerged from Tonks's room and had announced that she was going to survive.

She was going to survive because apparently healers along with Hermione and Snape had decided to administer an experimental potion on Tonks. Potion to which Tonks had reacted well.

Hermione told him that Snape had contributed hugely to Tonks's recovery. This had earned even more respect for him. Harry was sure that when Remus was told about this, he would start worshiping Snape.

They all had been eager to tell Remus and to see that huge smile on his face, even after which he had fainted, was worth it. They had escorted him to a spare room at the hospital and healers had assured them that it was because of stress and lack of food. Which had reminded him that how hungry he had been, in fact they all had been. All of them, leaving the elders, had visited the cafeteria and had eaten most scrumptiously.

A groan came from beside him and a slow grin spread across Harry's face.

"Hello Remus."

"Harry…" He started to get up when Harry pushed him back. "Dora-?"

"She's going to be okay. And you fainted when you heard that." He couldn't stop grinning for some reason.

"Yes…" He took a huge breath of relief.

"Eat this!" Ginny entered clutching a tray with couple of sandwich and tea. "And don't protest. Tonks will have our heads if she hears that we let you starve."

She deposited the tray in his lap as he sat up. Behind her, Hermione and Ron entered as well.

"Any news?" He asked them.

"Healers tell that Tonks is breathing fine and well her heartbeat is normal as well. They'll be trying to wake her after few hours." Hermione replied looking at Remus.

"Thank god." He sighed.

"Food." Ron reminded him.

"Yeah…" Just as the first sandwich entered his mouth, Remus ravished the four sandwiches at an animalistic speed. "Can I get more…?" He asked hesitantly.

They laughed.

"I'll fetch it." Ron told them.

"Don't really know how hungry we are until you take a bite. It would be a surprise if any sandwich is left in the cafeteria. Even Ginny ate six and Hermione ate seven."

"Oh so you were _counting_ how much we were eating?"

"I had to pay, why wouldn't I count?"

Remus chuckled in his tea.

"We were so hungry but… Ron ate _thirteen_ and Charlie ate _fourteen_; though I think after a while they started to compete on who could eat more."

"I think that's why he has gone to fetch it so that he can eat some more."

"Thank you all though; for staying by our side." Remus smiled at them gratefully.

"Tonks means a lot to all of us Remus." Hermione told him gently.

"I can't wait for her to wake." Ginny spoke excitedly. "We all are going to take so much care of her that she'll grow sick of us."

"George and Angelina have decided to postpone their wedding." Harry told him.

"I don't think Tonks will like it…"

"Hopefully she'll recover soon."

"I hope so too." Remus replied with a very hopeful look in his eyes. "There are few things I need to tell her… need to tell her how much I love her…" He replied with a smile.

"Hermione…" Ginny started. "Is this we hear Remus Lupin talking?"

"Yeah fancy that? Finally gotten a thing or two into his head has he?"

"How long did it take?"

"Four years right?" Harry interjected, enjoying Remus's flustered look. "Not that much, I mean with him, it could have taken like four _hundred_ years…"

"Oh be quiet you three. Why hasn't Ron came yet?"

* * *

><p>"We are going to wake up and any one of you can come." The healer told them.<p>

He wanted to go but he looked at the ashen faced Andromeda. She was her mother, she deserved it.

"Remus. Take Remus." She replied, surprising him. "I am sure my daughter will appreciate waking to your face than my old and wrinkly one."

He grinned in gratitude. "I don't think my face is much better in terms of old and wrinkles."

"Oh she has a different opinion." She told him, returning his smile.

"Lead the way." He told the healers. "Wait, won't I be needing those robes?"

"No Mr. Lupin that won't be necessary now. She's out of danger."

This time when he entered the room, the plastic curtains had been taken off. Also, his heart felt much lighter when he saw her. The bruise was light pink, her eye and lips back to their original shape.

He sat down on a stool next to her and with confirmation from the healer that it was safe to do so, he held her hand in his. He could have cried with joy at being close to her again but decided that he had already cried for two centuries in past one day.

"We are going to wake her now."

The healer who had earlier delivered the news to him that the chances of Tonks surviving were slim, started to draw intricate patterns on Tonks' torso and whispered the spell.

Dora didn't wake up at the first try.

Her eyes flickered at the second try.

It was at the third attempt that she opened those beautiful brown eyes. At first her eyes were unseeing and then they came into focus. Her eyes landed on him, and relief flooded him as recognition lit her eyes. Healers had been afraid that her memory might have been affected.

She mouthed his name. He supposed she had meant to say it aloud but simply didn't have the energy.

He did the thing he had wanted to do since ages and didn't wait for another second. He let go, he let go his every concern, his every insecurity so that at the end just love remained in him. Love for Dora.

He sat himself on the side of the bed and peering at her he told her:

"Nymphadora Tonks, you silly woman, you are going to be the death of me." And he kissed her lips. It was chaste and she was simply too shocked to reply. Whatever it was, she hadn't expected this. "And I _love_ you. I have loved you since the day you accidentally tripped in my room and spilled the hot tea you brought for me _on_ me. And I have never stopped loving you even for a second. I have loved no one else the way I have loved _you_."

She stared at him and he started to doubt that he might have rushed too soon and that he might have confused her but then she smiled.

She _truly_ smiled. _That_ smile.

He could have died happily. But no, he didn't want to die, he wanted to live. With her. He had always wanted that but now he would finally let himself have her.

Because this incident had taught him a lesson. Protecting her wasn't in his hands. He could wish the world for her, he could distance himself from her for her safety but at the end what has to happen, will happen, no matter what. There was no stopping.

* * *

><p><em>AN- This isn't the end. There are about two more chapters. I updated a bit late because I was waiting for some reviews and favorites. So thank you everyone who had reviewed and read so far :)_


	10. Chapter 10

"You should have gone with them Remus." Tonks told him in a frail voice from where she was propped up on a fort of pillows in the center of the bed. He covered her with her favorite duvet, mindful of her injured leg. "I can be left alone for few hours. Besides Molly and Poppy are here if I would have needed someone."

He took off his shoes and crawled towards her. Slipping inside the covers, he hugged her to his side. "I'd rather be with you."

"I feel bad that you are stuck with me." She mumbled as she leaned her head on his chest.

"Don't be silly. I am in no mood for a party." He replied kissing top of her head. She had been finally discharged just yesterday, after being kept at the hospital for about two weeks. For days she had been in tremendous pain and had to rely on numbing potions which mostly left her feeling befuddled. Initially her recovery had been slow but now she was recuperating fast. Satisfied with her recovery, healers had given in her pleas to allow her to return home. There were still five days for Hogwarts to re-open so they had come here, to his quarters. Though what they'd do once the school reopened, they hadn't decided on that yet.

In the past two weeks, he had only left her side to shower or to do his daily chores. He had kept a track of her every movement and every aching muscle. Healers and others have been impressed with his dedication in nursing her back to health.

They hadn't talked much about their relationship though; other than exchange of occasional _'I love you'_ and kisses. She wasn't in shape to do anything much else. And Remus agreed that there would be time to sort things later. Right now, his priority was her health. No matter how it appeared, not everything had immediately been fixed. It would take time.

"Can't you take me outside?" She hugged his waist and spoke in the skin of his collarbone. "I am really tired Remus… tired of being on one bed to another." She looked ready to cry and he could very well understand her frustration. She liked to be thick in the action and this was not an ideal situation for her.

"Dora, you are weak love, your immune system is weak. Outside is not a good idea. And it's just a matter of few days." He whispered soothingly, brushing her hair away from her forehead.

"But you can go outside." He sighed. Tonight the boys had gone out for drinking to Three Broomsticks and she had been insistent about him attending but leaving her simply was not an option for him.

Instead of replying to that, he said: "I can take you to the balcony though, want to?"

She sighed. "Okay." He made her wear his warmest jacket which was difficult because of her injured arm. He then wrapped her shoulders with a blanket which made her frown. She didn't like being dependent on other's for such mundane tasks but knew she had no other choice. Before carrying her to the balcony, he conjured a mattress on the floor for them to sit.

After few minutes she was snuggled cozily in to his side. The night was young and silent except for the rustle of a gentle breeze in the aspen trees.

"What have you decided about our living arrangements?" She asked, placing her head on his shoulder.

"I thought you could stay at Shrieking Shack… like that I can be with you during free periods and once the classes will be done for the day. Thanks to you, it's perfectly habitable now. During full moons you can stay here, at my quarters. Once you are well, then we'll decide on some permanent arrangement. Is it okay with you?" He looked at her with a soft gaze.

She smiled gently at him. "Yes but… I can stay with you on full moons."

He instantly shook his head. "Wolfsbane stopped working once. It might do so again. I won't risk hurting you or anyone."

She made a face but reluctantly agreed knowing how important it was for him. "I'll argue about it later."

He kissed her forehead as they slipped back into silence. Picking up her hand placed on his thigh, he started playing with her fingers. _She has lost weight_, he thought with a frown.

"Remus… what will happen when I resume my duty at Auror office? How will we cope? With you here and… me there… I don't think I can go back to the routine of seeing you just at weekends."

She sounded worried, something which had been on his mind as well. Kissing her fingers, he replied: "We'll think of something. Portkey or we'll get a direct floo connection. We'll manage Dora. Leave it to me, okay?"

He felt her nodding on his shoulder. She shivered and he pulled her closer but not before he frowned and asked, "Cold? Do you want to go back? I know I shouldn't have brought you out here."

"Remus please," she sounded agitated. "It's just breeze, I won't die because of-"

He winced at her wording and without thinking covered her mouth with his palm. His heart was hammering and as he looked into her eyes he saw she was giving him an odd stare. Looking away, he conjured another blanket wordlessly and covered her with it. He almost forced her head back on his shoulder to avoid her penetrating gaze.

"Tell me one thing Remus." She spoke when he once again had resumed playing with her fingers.

"Hmm?"

"Before that, thanks for being there for me… during the past few weeks."

Surprised, he asked, "Did you expect anything else for me?"

"No, not really… but you have barely left my side and you are still looking out for me."

"And I won't stop ever; I'll always look out for you."

"Yes but… you were always there, making sure I ate on time, had all my potions, that I was comfortable, that there's no stress… but there's one thing missing you know?"

"What's that?" he peered into her eyes as she raised her head from his shoulder.

"You don't smile…or laugh. Not even with me, not even at my jokes. And if there's one thing I remember you doing was-that you _always_ smiled _whenever_ I smiled. But ever since my accident… no matter if I am rolling on the floor laughing, you barely crack a smile." He looked down at his lap as her words sunk in. "I mean, believe me I tell the truth when I say that I am thankful this happened- this accident, of course I am not glad about the pain- but it made you realize that you can't always protect me and made you accept that our love won't ever just _go away_… but I don't want to be a burden on you Remus, I don't want you to commit to me, to us out of a guilty conscience. If it makes you unhappy… I do not doubt your love, I know you love me the most but…"

She trailed off into silence and stared at him expectantly, waiting for his answer. He tried to answer but realized that his throat was clogged. Releasing an anguished sigh, he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall.

When he felt her trembling fingers near his eyelashes, he realized that they were wet. "Remus? What is it? Please tell me?"

"I-I can't smile because," he started, blinking back his tears. "because it-it keeps flashing up in my head, the memory of you getting hurt, colored in your own blood," he shuddered. "It just won't go away. I can't sleep properly because it haunts me. I always wake up from a nightmare in which you-you never survive. I am unable to smile because every time you smile, I realize that how close I came to never seeing that smile… that one and a half day I spent in hospital in uncertainty, they continue to haunt me…"

He felt her cupping the side of his face as she placed tiny comforting kisses on his cheek. "But I am okay… and I am here for you."

"I know just… I am not able to forget it." He sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve, taking in a ragged breath.

"It will get fine with time, I promise."

"I hope so." He agreed quietly as she leaned her forehead against his temple.

Caressing his stubble, she asked haltingly. "What…what would you have done… had I-I not survived?"

He shuddered at her question as his heart clenched painfully. "Then I would have died too."

"Remus!" She cried out, looking at him in astonishment. "How-you-but-"

"What would have I done without you?" he looked at her with a pained expression.

"Gone on with your life."

"If you think I'd have a life without you then you underestimate my love."

"I don't because I feel equally for you but Remus- one of us is going to outlive the other one day, it might be after fifty years or two days but it will happen."

"Yes it will but how do you think I would have felt had you gone… knowing that I could have made you happy, how would have I felt knowing that you died doubting my love?"

She sighed. "Remus… I don't want to be your weakness."

He smiled grimly. "You are my greatest strength Dora and sometimes… coincidentally greatest strength is also our biggest weakness."

She shook her head. "You scare me sometimes… you have survived so many ordeals, you have seen so many of your friends die in front of you… you haven't lived so far only to be defeated by me."

He palmed her beautiful face in his hands and gazed at her softly. "It's not a defeat. I love you so much… the heart of the matter is that I wouldn't have been able to gone on with the guilt that I never gave you the happiness that I was capable of giving you, happiness that I really wanted to give you."

She hugged him then, seemingly touched with his words. "And I love you too. So much, too much."

Her lips met with his and they kissed with vigor, trying to erase all the painful memories, trying to make things right. He carefully adjusted her position on his lap as their hands roamed over each other's body, trying to memorize every nook and corner that they might have forgotten with time, trying to live each moment to its fullest. Yes that's what he wanted now- he wanted to live every moment so that even if in far future, something did happen then at least he'd have one less thing to regret.

"I want you…" she whimpered as he placed open mouthed kisses on her neck. "It's been so long."

It was with these words and his growing desire that he reluctantly pulled back. "Dora, not yet love. You are hurt."

"I am not asking you to like _bang_ me or something; we can do it slowly-"

He laughed at her blunt words and dropped his forehead on her collarbone. "I am afraid my sweetheart that _doing it slowly_ is not on the cards as well. Your healer cornered me and told me in _explicit_ terms that you weren't ready for _any kind of strenuous activity_ and I don't think he meant about you rope skipping."

"Sadists, the lot of them."

"What's the hurry?" he brushed his lips to hers. "Just wait for few weeks and then I am all yours."

"That sounds like a promise. I might take a month's extra leave from the office once I am healed only to wear you out and make for all those lost years." She wiggled in his lap, making his breath catch in his throat.

"You have a deal my love." He carefully lowered her on the mattress to show with his kisses just how much he loved her.

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><p><em>AN: One more chapter to go..._


	11. Chapter 11

"Hey love." Remus greeted his beloved, who was standing near the window of her temporary bedroom at Shrieking Shack. She turned around smilingly and replied:

"Remus!" she wasn't just smiling, she was _beaming_. Running, she lunged at him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Hugging her back, he asked: "You seem very happy?" he knew it came out more like a question. He pulled away from and walked to the window, her hand in his. He sat on the window sill and positioned her to stand in between his knees.

"Just happy to see you." She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, placing her palms on his chest.

Now that he looked closely, he noticed that she looked different. For starters, she was wearing a short dark blue skirt- something she rarely wore, until and unless it was some special occasion. Her skirt was accompanied by a skin tight forest green top which had deep scoop neck; the pale skin of her neck showed, inviting his touch. Fingering her deep red curls, he told her, "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." She blushed and gave him a coy smile. "Where did you go?"

"I wanted to teach my fourth year class about famous historical monuments of Muggles and a book for that isn't at Hogwarts, so went to a Library in Muggle area."

"Got your book your then?"

"Yes. I visited Honeydukes on my way back here and," he stuffed his hand in the inside pocket of his coat as he pulled out a large slab of chocolate. "-brought this for you."

"My favorite!"

He smiled and unwrapped the golden foil. Breaking a piece of it, he gestured for to open her mouth. "Did went to see the healers then?" he asked as the soft chocolate melted almost immediately inside her mouth.

"Hmm… they say that…" she looked down and seemed…shy? "…I have healed completely. I'll just have to continue few potions for next few weeks…"

"That's wonderful." He grinned. It had been more than a month since her accident and they had travelled far since then. She had gone from barely being able to stand to climbing stairs at speed.

"And they said that," she broke another piece of chocolate and twirled it between her fingers. "-I am up for any sort of strenuous activity, including rope skipping." She grinned, not looking up into his eyes as his heart skipped a beat. She bit softly into the chocolate but before she could take it into her mouth fully, he bit his share of chocolate that was hanging outside her mouth.

She peered shyly into his eyes through her fringe and he couldn't help but smile at her timid behavior. "Is that the reason you look…so different?" He lowered his voice and asked her as his arms went around her waist.

"I spent an hour in shower, you know… getting ready and stuff… pulled out this dress from deep inside my wardrobe." She placed her fingers on his lips which were smeared with chocolate. Taking it into his hands, he licked them clean.

"They look very fetching." He whispered in her ear and felt her shiver. His hands went to the hem of her top but she stopped him. When he looked at her quizzically, she cleared:

"It has a zipper on the back."

He smiled as he answered her, "I love zipper and buttons. They help set the mood." His fingers wandered to the said zipper; he unhooked the top button and pulled the zip down ever so slowly, as her top started to come loose. He shrugged it out of her arms.

"Beautiful." He murmured while caressing her collarbone with his index finger. His heart was beating rapidly and his throat was growing dry. It had been so long since he had seen her in this way. And he had missed it. He fingered the black lace of her bra, "is this what you meant by getting ready." Her bra barely covered her breasts and the uncovered parts were pushing out of their confinement temptingly.

"Hmm… Witch's Secret balconette demi-cup… brought for special occasions. Never got around to using it though until now."

"I am glad." He rasped as he lowered his mouth to the visible part of her breasts. She took in a deep ragged breath and raked her finger nails through his hair. Her fingers reached the button of his coat and undid them instantly. Shrugging out of his coat, he stood without removing his lips from her chest.

His lips trailed upwards to her mouth and he kissed her hungrily as he started maneuvering them towards the bed.

"Take off your shirt…jumper. Why do you wear so many clothes?"

He chuckled as he pulled away momentarily. "Would you rather let the world see my naked self?" he threw his jumper away on the floor and soon his shirt followed.

She laughed in the back of her hand. "Imagine you running the streets of Hogsmeade wearing nothing but a banana leaf around your waist."

He pulled her towards himself flush, chest against chest as she gasped, her chuckle dying in her throat. "No, but you are only mine…" She whimpered out as he bit her softly on the neck.

He lowered her on the bed and wasted no time in getting rid of her skirt. "Oh Dora… I missed you so much." He breathed out into her skin.

~o~

"Bloody hell it was-"

"-mind blowing." She completed his sentence as she breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath.

"I am never letting you out of this room." He kissed her shoulder. Kissing his way up to her throat, his lips covered hers in a deep kiss. Her scent was making him heady. He covered them with sheets and summoned his coat.

She looked at him curiously and asked, "Feeling cold?"

He shook his head and sat up leaning against the headboard while gesturing her to do the same. She snuggled to his side, the sheets pooling around their waist. He searched his pocket and told her: "I didn't only go to the library, but also to fulfill my lifetime dream."

Her eyes widened with shock as he pulled out a purple velvet box.

"No, shit…" She whispered as she stared at the box in his hand with wonderment.

Smiling at her expression, he flipped open the box to reveal a sparking diamond ring. She straightened up and her eyes slowly filled with tears. He grabbed her left hand and said, "I never really realized the power of love until I fell in love with you, Dora. You are my everything and if there's one thing I am confident about, it is that there's no one in this whole world who can love you as much as I do. Dora, my best friend, my sweetheart, my adorable darling, my world, will you please do the honor of becoming my wife?"

Tears fell from her eyes and she wore the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face. "Of course my love." Her hand shook as she showed him her ring finger. He slipped the ring into it. It fitted her perfectly. "I love it. I love you." She pressed her lips to his lips as he beamed with her. "This is the best proposal."

"How many more proposals have you got?" He chuckled in amusement as she pressed her bare chest to his, straddling his lap from side.

"You couldn't have done it better. This is the best post-sex gift ever!"

"Don't expect me to do so every time. I'll go bankrupt."

"Shut up." She kissed him with full sincerity. A kiss full of love and promises.

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><p>"Where are they going to Honeymoon?" Tonks asked Harry who was looking spiffing in his traditional wizard robes. She stood next to Remus who had his arm around her waist, other hand clutching a glass of wine. They looked picture perfect together.<p>

"They haven't divulged it yet." He answered taking a sip of his drink.

They were at George's and Angelina's reception party at the Burrow. Since they hadn't been able to conduct the function at Hogwarts, Molly had made sure they didn't feel disappointed because of it. The Burrow garden had been extended magically and looked nothing short of a paradise.

"Why aren't you drinking anything Tonks? I heard the punch is a specialty of Weasley Wizard Wheezes."

She beamed at his question which confused Harry even more. She leaned her head on Remus's shoulder as he answered for her. "She's… not well."

"Oh okay. I see Neville, catch you guys later."

When Harry walked away, Tonks looked at her fiancé, her soon to be husband. "When will we tell them?"

Instead of answering directly, he stared into her eyes lovingly for one full minute, making her giddy with happiness. Caressing the soft material of her dress at her waist, he kissed her lips.

"Will we not be intruding them? I mean isn't it sort of like stealing their limelight?"

Tonks looked over at George who was surrounded by Angelina's aunts. "I think he would like very much if we diverted the attention from him. He looks harassed. I thought I'd never see the day- George Weasley looking disgruntled."

He placed his glass of wine on a flying tray and turned his attention to her. "I don't feel like telling anyone, I mean… I want it to be our little beautiful secret." His hand found its way to her stomach, and curled around it protectively.

"You understand right that in few months I'll get so big, that it would be impossible to hide it?"

"I do. And I can't wait. I can't wait to be on the brunt of your pregnancy hormones, I can't wait for you to wake me up in the middle of night to fulfill your cravings, I can't wait to massage your swollen feet, I can't wait to feel the baby kicking," his voice dropped to a whisper as he continued. "I can't wait for the great second trimester sex that I have read so much about. And above all, I can't wait to hold our little one."

"You really are happy, aren't you?" She said softly.

"More than you can imagine." He pressed their foreheads together.

Tonks had found out she was pregnant a week ago and she was almost sure that she had conceived the first time they had made love three weeks ago. She was thrilled but she was also scared. Scared of losing her baby again. But ever since she had told Remus, he had spent every second reassuring her that he wouldn't let anything happen to the baby. After losing their first baby, Tonks hadn't even thought in wildest of her dream that she will be gifted this opportunity again. But here she was, standing with her fiancé, three weeks pregnant. And bonus was that Remus wasn't worried about baby being a werewolf. He had read and seen enough to realize that lycanthropy wasn't hereditary.

"I have been thinking about names." She told him, nuzzling his cheek. They were a part of the party, yet not really a part of it.

"Yes?" he fingered her blonde locks.

"First time… you know after I lost him," she swallowed as his hold on her tightened. She had never gotten to know if the baby had been a boy or a girl but in her mind she had taken to addressing it as 'him.' "-I would often find myself thinking what I would have named him."

"And you want to name this baby same." He nodded in understanding.

"If you agree though."

"I agree. That's the most I can do to honor our lost child."

"I wanted to name him after my dad… Ted… Teddy for short and I wanted the baby to have his father's name as well."

He looked touched. "Ted Remus Lupin."

She nodded. "Like it?"

"Love it. Teddy. Our Teddy-who'll be known as child of Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin and Remus Lupin."

"Teddy it is." She beamed.

"I love you. And I love Teddy." He kissed her, forgetting about the reception going on around them. There would be time for announcements and congratulations later, right now they just wanted to enjoy this little moment privately.

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><p>The end.<p>

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><p><em>AN- reviews will be cherished. Thanks to everyone who has ever reviewed, favorited and followed! Also if anyone of you have suggestions regarding a complementary one-shot related to this story, do give me!_


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